Fighting Suicide

Staring at the reflective mirror    
My life is at an impasse    
Decisions have never been clearer    
My fists pounding on the glass    
   
In pieces the mirror shatters    
Broken like my thoughts unknown    
Wondering if anything matters    
Traveling in this world alone    
   
Life is no longer worth living    
I'm tired of the constant pain    
My sins can never be forgiven    
Lifes vicious cycle is insane    
   
Contemplating the unimaginable    
I grab a broken glass shard    
Making deaths experience tangible    
By escaping my memories scarred    
   
The demons in my head battle    
A battle between dark and light    
What happens next has me rattled    
As the moon illuminates the night    
   
I placed the shard against my neck    
So close I was drawing blood    
That thought was then rejected    
And the tears began to flood    
   
I reflected on every memory    
Of the times in my life I smiled    
They outweighed the misery    
I've experienced for awhile    
   
So I focused on the good instead    
And took a fresh breath to rebegin    
Knowing better days lie ahead    
I overcame the struggle within    
   
   
   
 

As i sit here and reflect
on all things that I regret
I feel somewhat surprised
that I haven't committed suicide
That's because my work here isn't done
the final chapter has now begun
A few more poems I will write
before i sign off and say goodnight

You want to commit suicide?
OK, Go for it
I'll give you all the encouragement you need
I'll be your Kevorkian
What are you waiting for?
If you keep weighing out your choices, you may change your mind
Don't you finally want to be good at something?
People will have so much more respect for you
If you're not sure on how to perform the suicide
Here are the four main choices:

Gun

Pills

Hanging

Razor

If you don't like those choices, you can always crash the car, jump off a building or put yourself in front of a speeding train
No?
Too gruesome?
Ok then
Whatever you decide, I'm sure you'll do great!
If you decide to leave a suicide note, can you mention that you'd like to leave me your entire Vinyl & CD collection
You have some rare gems
Yeah!!
Really?!, Cool!!
I'll say some really nice things about you at your wake & funeral
You rock!!
Thanks again
Goodbye

The hurt is heavy.

The pain, it stays.

A numbness grows,

I can’t escape it.

I walk this life alone,

hope shattered,

broken beyond repair.

Anger, without reason.

I fight myself.

Round after round.

Some days, I wish for the end.

Shadows weigh me down,

fury rising,

my own enemy.

I try to heal,

but the wounds are too deep.

My friends are lost,

believing peace comes in silence.

Someday I will escape,

thinking death will bring relief.


But within me,
a storm brews,

chaos hidden in the quiet.

How much longer can I stand?

Memories of joy feel distant.

The shadows linger,

while joy hides,

too afraid to speak.

I can’t seem to fix what’s broken.

I am a storm,

rain falling,

dark skies all I know.

I wish I could see the effort,

to trust myself again.

My thoughts cut sharp,

whispers of failure,

you’re not enough.

Every choice feels wrong,

like I’ll never be enough,

even for me.

I’d disappear,

erase this life,

escape the fear.

Wish to be light,

beautiful, free.

But the mirror lies,

reflecting my flaws.

It’s hard to live

when you can’t look at yourself.

Every day, I wonder

how much would I miss

if I stepped away?

The pull to the edge

grows stronger with every tear.

How much longer

can I hold on,

before I fade away?