Your Dating Profile

Ten feet tall,
nothing on me is small
and my favorite season seems
to be Fall in
the Spring
and Winter in Summer

My city sprawled
I crawl into Escalades and Hummers
where my guitar stays strumming
to tunes of vast quantities of cash incoming

I'm the one God calls
when man leaves him flummoxed

I'm ambassador for all,
I'm Earth's stomach

I am gravity,
I am all that plummets

I reside where nothing once was
Mine is where the sun is

I'm big bang and what remains
when the universe is done with..

Silly scum, those who can't hang,
derelicts and bums

I am rain drop,
I am Earth
scorched too young

I am crashed train propped up
by it's own passengers

I am hand rail gum

I am loaded gun,
I'm bullet, I'm saint,
I push, I'm shunned

I am wind in tree, I am
fractured trunk and scattered leaves

I am attracted to forbidden apples
even though I grow fruit with ease

Ease of fresh soil, ease of plant, vibrant, green

I toil restless
never to know peace

I am air in lung
I like walks on the beach

NAME: Psycho A. Naylis, AKA " Who was that masked man?"  
 
AGE: Older than Moses socks
 
OCCUPATION: Dowser rod salesman moonlighting as Psychiatrist when wearing my narcissistic hat    
 
PROFILE: Blue-eyed nudist, soothsayer, ex-leatherneck, book monger, and coffee shop  
owner, dabbling in prose, and a Christian  

WHAT I WANT IN A WOMAN: must enjoy pickleball and get soused while watching bowling, fishing for slugs, old-time religion with a nonvenomous snake, nudity is optional when shopping at Walmart      
 
WHAT I DON'T WANT IN A WOMAN: a friggin' mother-in-law, BS, Neanderthal, burnt toast, tattoos, mustache, size 11 EEE wide cold feet, crabs, worms or other assorted varmints  
    
INTEREST AND HOBBIES: sarcasm, collecting periwinkle hats, getting stuck in Lodi again, screaming in tongue, following ant caravans  
  
WHAT I WILL BRING TO A RELATIONSHIP: overnight bag, Polident, TV remote, Preparation H, coffee filters, scurvy, my pet Armadillo, toenail fungus
 
FAVORITE BOOKS
Cross Word Puzzles Made Simple
Checkers for Dummies  
Raising a Pet Rock
Me and My Amoeba Ego
Engine Repair for1946 Studebaker
Cheating the Rorschach Test
Poetry for Embecles
Eating my Crayons
Lost in Gotham in My Johnny Gown
Blow Drying the Hair on Your Knuckles
Mollocks Have Feelings Too
DUP Emmy Winners and Losers (Chasing Turnips and Shadows)
Putting a Hat on Brussels Sprout (Chasing Turnips and Shadows - Part  2)
Do Your Clothes Hangers Talk To You? (Chasing Turnips and Shadows - Part 3)
 
FAVORITE ACTOR:
Peewee Herman
Mr.Greenjeans
Homer Simpson
Sylvester Cat  
Yosemite Sam

FAVORITE SONGS
M-I-C-K-E-Y  M-O-U-S-E, Mickey Mouse
Does Your Chewing Gum Stick On The Bedpost Overnight
The Purple People Eater
I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates

Let's start with the obvious  
I'm a walking red flag  
I'm not hot enough to be  
this high up on the crazy scale  
but I really hate to disappoint  
unless you're expecting daily blow jobs  
and then I really will disappoint  
 
I prefer cunts to cocks  
but I'll fuck anything if it's pretty enough  
including your car  
 
I have vague morals  
so don't be surprised if I dine and dash  
on our first date  
fuck all and every capitalist corporation  
 
I'm both intelligent and formally uneducated  
if you wave a fancy degree at me  
it will only get me wet  
if you're an IT or English Lit nerd  
 
Bitcoin aficionado's need not apply  
or anyone who would suck a cock for an iPhone  
I'm android all the way    
 
None of it fucking matters anyway  
I'm already bored  
and odds are I can get myself off  
better than you can  
 
You're better off swiping left  
I really hope you do