Lost But Not Forgotten

How I remember you
Always happy, never blue
Summer weekends always a blast
Priceless memories from my past
We'd go on the boat, have lunch and talk
Simpler times that slipped away through a clock
As I became older you were always there
You helped me out when I was in despair
When I moved away
We'd call one another every few days
One day I received that dreadful call
You lost consciousness and had a deadly fall
They tried to resuscitate but to no avail
My heart was punctured, I began to wail
Many years have gone since grandpa died
I write this poem to share and to confide.
 

uhgggg my dearest strongbow ezzy bear.I find it so difficult to find a good place to start,because you were my special puppy and for 11 very special strong years we’ve never been apart,it’s only been one heart heavy day since you’ve been away and sadly a new year for me has already changed.
But I’ll do my best bubbas:(
Bubbas....You were always in the driveway waiting for me to get home,wagging your tail, it didn’t matter if it was raining or cold,you could always make me smile even if I was stuck in a dark and shitty place.
you brought me volume and sunshine when you barked and licked my face.
You were my couch snuggles you kept me cozy and warm ,always hiding under the covers if there was a loud storm.you were so much more than just a pet you were the love of our home,you were the first family member to rub noses with our baby newborn.
you protected the house you got pissed at  the door,and when I got stoned you picked up munchies that fell on the floor.
Oh bubbas,I’m going to miss you more than I can say.ill never forget your crazy furry face that see every day.my tears will bring me strength as I complete this hard day.and you bring me real comfort knowing that you’re no longer in pain.
All the memories of you doing your cute puppy dog things.
You reminded me of dumbo  
When you ran,cause your ears looked like wings.
Uhgggg....my lovy  what I’ll miss about you the most
Is your head out the window when we drove down road.
My little co pilot:(
Fuck!  
 
 
 
2008-2020 Good bye  
My little Strongbow ezzybear bubbas.
You were the best dog anyone could ever ask for and I’m gonna miss you so much.
;;;you’re daddy.

 
There are photos
everywhere
framed in walnut
you
laughing with your
best friend, a cigarette
dangles from
your mouth
shy of
falling into
gin you
embraced those
moments, I know

Another photo
your arm rests
on mom’s shoulders
tugging her hair,
I think
though I wasn’t there
or anywhere then
both of you poised
on long tree
branches, waiting
for the shutter to
harness a whisper

my favorite photo
is of you with
your grandson,
drawing out plans
for a dog house,
or deck, or
putting up shelves,
offering his first beer ever,
while barbecuing
filet minion
that only you have
perfected, of course

I stop myself before I
ruminate on this
last one
knowing this pain
far too well
knowing
this photo I want
of you framed
In my mind is
not here in my
home

or anywhere

knowing that all
I have now is these
slow fading photos
and this last moment
happens after
these moments
stop happening

too early, and
too long ago.

12/20/2018

Dear Frank, I want to be frank with you,
I want to be open and honest with what I’m about to say,
Because even though I said goodbye some time ago,
I’m blue because today it ended this way.  

I know you had your demons, they’re hard to let go,
But you fought hard and fell and got up and fell again,
And though you didn’t always make the best choices,
After so many long talks, I know there was good in you.  

I know we laughed, we cried and you tried,
But I always loved hearing you talk to your grandchildren,
You were such a loving man when you were there,
Just like I remember when I was ten.  

Dad, I’m sorry I’m mad, I feel sad but mostly bad,
I should’ve called, I should’ve picked up the phone,
Because every time we hung up you said “I love you son, love you son”,
Knowing how you were so alone.  

But I’d like to think of you in better times,  
All the shenanigans and pranks you used to play,
All the stories uncles and aunts told me about you,
That’s the Frank I’ll remember till my dying day.

I like imagine that somewhere up there the futbol gods,
Are giving semi old pros like you a chance to realize their dream,
That you’ve put on those cleats for old time sake and when you play,
The cheers of a hundred sound like forty thousand scream.  

I’d like to picture we’re back on the black sand in ‘74,
Hearing the words you said in the photo I wished you’d repeat,
Because somewhere in the memories of me and you,
We are young again with the crashing waves at our feet.
Rest in Peace.

I've always maintained that I
will only take what another
offers. I am not one to push
or pull or guilt You into any
one thing or any spiritual or
anything...Love.

I received an email yesterday
(NO, I am not going to share
it with You, as I've learned
a valuable lesson from this
yesterday) and this is some
of the most heart stabbing
bleed I've ever been privileged
to experience in my reinvented
life. I feel sick to my gut
as if I throw up right this
fuckin' minute;  perhaps I will
do this later...every hour
of every - later.

That email has a hint of
forgiveness but under the weight
of eternal sad and obvious
betrayal, hope may just be
the tease.
What does it mean when some
someone says that You betrayed
them but they still deeply
love You?

Means that there's a slim
glimmer of hope for me, but
crushed under hers and mine~
eternal sad.

My love signs off to me an
unconditional good-bye:
agape.  Another ort of
hope?

I read too much. . .