OH... Tainted Love!

Verse 1
I can’t remember who I was, before the world told me who I should be.
The flames have turned to dust, leaving me out to freeze.
I can’t see past my flaws; I feel the chains lock on tightly.
Inside I feel so numb; when can I express myself freely?
 
Chorus 1
The comfort and privilege came at a high price.
Everything I do, someone’s got to roll the dice.
All I wanted to do was to seek paradise.
“Sweetheart,” you tell me, “it’s a sacrifice.”
 
Verse 2
Whispers have reached your ears, that I’ve lost my way.
The path I’ve chosen is unclear, I don’t know if I can be saved.
All I see is your sneer, you tell me I must behave.
My soul is consumed by fear, that I’ll always be your slave.
 
Chorus 2
The comfort and privilege came at a high price.
Everything I do, someone’s got to roll the dice.
All I wanted to do was to seek paradise.
“Darling,” you tell me, “it was all a lie.”

I used to pick daisies  
pluck them from the green
take them fresh and alive
and tear their beauty apart
 
She loves me?
 
I used to pull the petals free
throw them into the wind
watch them float away
taking their truth with them
 
She loves me not
 
I used to sit and watch her
walking past as I sat waiting
the sunlight glinting off her hair
the warm wind stirring her dress
 
I love her
 
I used to imagine what I would say
If I could ever gather
the courage to speak
but she was beyond me
 
She loves me not
 
I used to talk to her
go for coffee and a chat
go for lunch in the sun
or a long walk on the beach
 
She loves me?
 
I used to love her  
so near yet from afar
sharing laughter
sharing tears
 
She loves me not
 
The daisies always knew
Always told their tale true
I no longer seek their advice
It was always the same
 
I love her
 
I'd pull the petals
and throw them to the wind
each petal a hope
a bleeding piece of my heart
 
She loves me not
 
Tearing myself apart with the daisies
as each she came and went
as each smile turned to pity
as each love left
 
She loves me not
 
No matter what I did  
how I shredded the flowers
How I asked the question
her words and theirs echoed
 
She loves me not

So I picked up my work van
Brought the chains and duct tape
I’m headed your way
To pick you up for our date

You said you like spontaneity
But unbeknownst to you
This will undeniably be
A secret rendezvous

You’re not expecting me
But I bought all your favorite things
A corset, lipstick and stilettos
Clit clamps and nipple rings

A little electric shock therapy
I think that should do the trick
To have you bend to my will
And make you suck my dick

I got you a blindfold
And a ball gag for your mouth
A vibrating egg for your muff
While we drive heading south

I’ve retrofitted my van
Just for this special occasion
I’ve even brung a special brush
For some play we call abrasion

I see you walking out of work texting
I put on my ski mask and grabbed you
Chain your hands and feet
And your text message comes through

You squirm and scream to no avail
Because nobody’s near
I check my phone and see your text
Which says, “I wish you were here!”

V met V on tumblr
that poetry has caught her eye

…then an year passed

as V was falling out of love
a decision came…

to find out more on V

so it begun…

the conversation
the date
the second date
that dinner
that wine
that first kisses
…and the logical fuck

V fell euphorically in love
until V’s meltdrown
in intuitive realization

V was not that much into V
as V was into V…

so…

there was D
with the ambiguity that brought…

…and the trepidation

V slowly slid into
unannounced involvement
as V was not into sharing decisions

remember that night
when V took V home
and V slid into
living in with V together

it was only for the summer

…V’s shoulder slid out of the joint

as comparison is unavoidable
it was V’s commitment for the future

…the summer passed

then September…
V slid into staying for the winter
in another unannounced decision
to address V’s insecurities

transition
…but not a transformation

V’s greater commitment
invited the exploitation
the provocations
the feelings of entrapment
both obliterating love

as far as the committed V knows
the least interested V
has all the power
as V can easily walk away
sliding back
into V’s old and so familiar
status quo

pushing the matter is scary
and yet unpostponeable
after that year
of trepidation

…V continues to avoid

first
the loss of their connection
due to V’s initiated break-ups

second
the loss of peace
and comforts
due to the challenges
of transformation

third
the loss of freedom
due to having
match the bet of V
or leave the game

V now decides it’s time to push
and you are counting…

…there are three dues
and it’s time to pay them

 

In the bar room
stood  
a tall man  
repetitively adding coins  
to the Jukebox  
Behind him sat a woman    
embracing her cleavage
in a biker's jacket  
while smoking cigars  
Behind her, a loud little guy  
with an infectious laugh  
Eyeing me  
(I avoid eye contact in bars)  
   
Ordered a beer  
from the bar lady
whose eyes    
were impossible to avoid  
She was  
shorter than the loud guy  
but    
packed a more    
confident punch  
in her body language  
   
She made me out as
"not a regular"
while pouring the draught  
from the tap  
Smiled
(more of a smirk, really)  
   
"That's her boyfriend"  
she said  
gesturing toward the short guy  
with her eyes, adding  
"But we don't talk about that!"  
hovering accross the bar  
with a cocktail, I'm not sure  
I remembered her making  
   
"Why's that?"  
I enquired in a tone of whisper  
when she'd drifted back  
"Well!"    
was the reply  
while she looked me    
up and down  
She nodded at the jukebox  
with her hands on her hips  
laying it on me  
   
   
"That's her husband!"  
   
   
-x-