Poetry competition CLOSED 15th May 2018 11:01am
WINNER
SURVIVOR
SURVIVOR
Reinventing & Editing
I'd like to jump in. I was excited about this comp, for 3yrs now I still am uncomfortable changing my setting to expierenced, my older poems I keep the as original so another can hopefully see either progress or lack of, to change them would erase evolvement. That's my 2% worth oh yeah the trophy isn't the prize here maybe a setting can now be changed.. seriousness
Thanx all
Thanx all
Please note Rule updates...
* You can edit as many poems as you like during the 2 week period. Only poems that include all 3 posts will be judged.
** You can edit poems continually until the competition closes. I will only be awarding a winner after the competition closes (in 2 weeks) . Remember to update your "notes" post as you go.
Awesome!
* You can edit as many poems as you like during the 2 week period. Only poems that include all 3 posts will be judged.
** You can edit poems continually until the competition closes. I will only be awarding a winner after the competition closes (in 2 weeks) . Remember to update your "notes" post as you go.
Awesome!
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1) Copy and Paste your original write. With the date it was originally posted (don't link at this point.)
PART ONE: the poem before revisions/edits:
Black Swan
Crickets stridulate as their summer dies,
and so too their generation, while a black swan
glides through reeds of a gentle evening
to the chorus of a million love songs, identical
as she is different in every way, to reflect and
disturb the still water sheen,
tiny ripples to crashing crescendo, standing out
alone as does her lover who awaits the insane one
in her blue-black splendor,
and sunrise comes when his lips move to beckon
her near, her quick eyes spying his prickly beard
as his black swan comes to preen.
Jade-Pandora
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Published 27th November 2015
PART ONE: the poem before revisions/edits:
Black Swan
Crickets stridulate as their summer dies,
and so too their generation, while a black swan
glides through reeds of a gentle evening
to the chorus of a million love songs, identical
as she is different in every way, to reflect and
disturb the still water sheen,
tiny ripples to crashing crescendo, standing out
alone as does her lover who awaits the insane one
in her blue-black splendor,
and sunrise comes when his lips move to beckon
her near, her quick eyes spying his prickly beard
as his black swan comes to preen.
Jade-Pandora
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Published 27th November 2015
The Black Swan
( a Sonnet )
As crickets stridulate while summer dies,
And so their generation as it fades,
The outline of a black swan mutely flies
To gentle glide through reeds of gentle glades.
Into the chorus of a million songs,
Identical and different in the words.
She settles, folds her wings where she belongs,
In coming back, disturbing other birds.
From spreading ripples to crescendo's crash,
The lover waits ashore to covet her.
Then calling back & forth in moonlit flash
Their courtship ritual between assured.
Sunrise, her quick eyes spy his prickly beard,
His black swan comes to preen, her lover sheared.
Copyright©2015-2018 Jade Pandora. All Rights Reserved.
As crickets stridulate while summer dies,
And so their generation as it fades,
The outline of a black swan mutely flies
To gentle glide through reeds of gentle glades.
Into the chorus of a million songs,
Identical and different in the words.
She settles, folds her wings where she belongs,
In coming back, disturbing other birds.
From spreading ripples to crescendo's crash,
The lover waits ashore to covet her.
Then calling back & forth in moonlit flash
Their courtship ritual between assured.
Sunrise, her quick eyes spy his prickly beard,
His black swan comes to preen, her lover sheared.
Copyright©2015-2018 Jade Pandora. All Rights Reserved.
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Go To Page
2) Do all the reinventing and editing as per the list plus any others that your creativity finds. Then link the edited version as your second post.
Part 2: The fully revised version:
Part 2: The fully revised version:
3) Write a short post, explaining what you edited and why.
PART THREE:
NOTES regarding “Black Swan” / “The Black Swan”
by Jade Pandora
For all the years as an active poet I never did much rhyme scheme & formulaic verse, mostly free verse & Japanese/Eastern short form. By the time I wrote my original Black Swan I was still not composing poems using formulas in rhyme schemes which for me was still a highly disciplined combination which I hoped one day I’d crack my way in to learn, evolve & grow. And so l have. Thus, I chose Black Swan as an example of how far I’ve come in both the use of rhyme scheme & formula poetry. In this case, in a brief span of time.
Returning to this piece I immediately went after a more formal structure thus allowing me to stretch beyond the comfort zone I used to stay in, and let myself “fly” as the swan with layers and lines, and stanzas with rhyme that became a full-blown sonnet of the Shakespearean kind, my sonnet style of choice. Many poets think that using a disciplined structure restricts their word flow, however, it’s been my happy experience that just the opposite exists and is readily learned and enjoyed if you let it flow as you go. Even the deceptively simple act of changing the title from “Black Swan” to “The Black Swan” I felt was a more graceful introduction to the first stanza. To me, titles can often make the difference.
In each stanza & the 2-line envoi as the finale, keeping to a 10-syllabic line count let me “spread my wings”, becoming more descriptive while removing words I no longer felt were useful to myself and the reader. Line breaks became more succinct while not as run-on as before. This is as it should be when a poet is using structured rhyme. Random & wrap-around rhyme is one thing (which I enjoy using when it’s the way to go), but a sonnet (or other specific formulaics) requires what I’ve been calling “discipline” in my editorial notes. It’s misleading to poets novice to using rhyme scheme of any kind, but once you grasp what it really means, and you write your first successful attempt, there’s nothing like it for a writer of verse.
And as with any detailing to fine tune & tighten (a motor vehicle for instance), the payoff is sweet, and satisfying, and encourages a poet to keep going outside the box (a comfort zone) until it becomes a walk to look forward to no matter the weather!
One more thing: once I turned this into a rhyming verse, I enjoyed the opportunity it presented for me to express in ways I felt the poem thrived on where before it hadn’t. Thus ends my Notes.
With my pen respect,
Jade
PART THREE:
NOTES regarding “Black Swan” / “The Black Swan”
by Jade Pandora
For all the years as an active poet I never did much rhyme scheme & formulaic verse, mostly free verse & Japanese/Eastern short form. By the time I wrote my original Black Swan I was still not composing poems using formulas in rhyme schemes which for me was still a highly disciplined combination which I hoped one day I’d crack my way in to learn, evolve & grow. And so l have. Thus, I chose Black Swan as an example of how far I’ve come in both the use of rhyme scheme & formula poetry. In this case, in a brief span of time.
Returning to this piece I immediately went after a more formal structure thus allowing me to stretch beyond the comfort zone I used to stay in, and let myself “fly” as the swan with layers and lines, and stanzas with rhyme that became a full-blown sonnet of the Shakespearean kind, my sonnet style of choice. Many poets think that using a disciplined structure restricts their word flow, however, it’s been my happy experience that just the opposite exists and is readily learned and enjoyed if you let it flow as you go. Even the deceptively simple act of changing the title from “Black Swan” to “The Black Swan” I felt was a more graceful introduction to the first stanza. To me, titles can often make the difference.
In each stanza & the 2-line envoi as the finale, keeping to a 10-syllabic line count let me “spread my wings”, becoming more descriptive while removing words I no longer felt were useful to myself and the reader. Line breaks became more succinct while not as run-on as before. This is as it should be when a poet is using structured rhyme. Random & wrap-around rhyme is one thing (which I enjoy using when it’s the way to go), but a sonnet (or other specific formulaics) requires what I’ve been calling “discipline” in my editorial notes. It’s misleading to poets novice to using rhyme scheme of any kind, but once you grasp what it really means, and you write your first successful attempt, there’s nothing like it for a writer of verse.
And as with any detailing to fine tune & tighten (a motor vehicle for instance), the payoff is sweet, and satisfying, and encourages a poet to keep going outside the box (a comfort zone) until it becomes a walk to look forward to no matter the weather!
One more thing: once I turned this into a rhyming verse, I enjoyed the opportunity it presented for me to express in ways I felt the poem thrived on where before it hadn’t. Thus ends my Notes.
With my pen respect,
Jade
