BROKEN SOUL

I'm Broken

I’m broken
Fractured in the place underneath the core
Where the structure of existence and foundation lie
Where the texture of abstract thought has torn

It’s the phase when faith and creed are shaken
Reveling in the freedom of what the revelation brought
Wrought ceaselessly by the eons of perilous times
When then the vain and futile plans have come to naught

It’s the sinister void of all reason and purpose
The rupture in the framework of the mind
Slivering away, slowly caving in, unreeling
Till all the unholy fears are lived and wholly realized

Conflicted amid the ruins of lust and judgment
At the site where reflection has lost its drive
I’m frayed deep within the heart and spirit
That I love and loathe all of it at the same time

But still I strive to mend my errant ways
Trying to make some sense of it of all
Reticent and remorseful for the wasted days
Withered away in shattered pieces that took their toll

And yet the more I ponder the more I become flawed
The façade of phantom memories remain unspoken
Like gods and monsters at the table patiently awaiting
For the tipping point, unbalanced where I am broken

Here lies

Snuffed out
Like so many
Cannibus erected walls called apathy
My chagrin spreads
Like summer sheets
That flap with delirious snap
In a hot breeze
Like
Your pant of breathe
Still shrugging my white shoulder
My arche still trembles from your thrust
Your time touch still marked
Red
Scorch glow
My permanent
Memory
Tatoo
You

   

    from the pages of ....



...my blankness in some unsaid fullness … this
tranquil spacetime –(t)his Shiva-ic vacuum overall
filled in & breathed in
the magical Shakti-ic mystic lightful airs:


1.
mechatronic existential cases
in nil (beautifully digging depths of) crisis
haphazardly drift in crooked and sarcastic
raavan-ly laughter densities- labeled with-
flickering half-smiling flash-arcs- yet therein
laden with inhumane hardness-

in simmering ploys
s(t)inking badly (unsuccessfully) versus
persisting souls (of melancholy) & innocence’s massacre  

as they themselves tumble to speedspiral into self-dug expiries

- those sullen moonbits exploding
from their dark scapeless warps …on
the verge of an unreturning traceless
extinction of many -yugam out of
tedious meditated formations

the (p)ink remedial regimen-an eternity
this life the pages - a devoted ritual a hymn-a
yaagam with an inborne meloncholic raagam
(re)birthed just yesterday as it seems
in an effervescing newness josh just-

[signaling such cosmic vigor & motherly
blackhole’s energy vibes, aggravated
muchmore
by the pinkly pink rangmanch
pleatingly fluttering dupatta, alongside
a luscious velvety rose lipbalm and
the pink go(& see)-through walls  
of a routine fliptop refill bottle]

-emerges
to demolish you forever
the battle is forever
the rudra the thandav is forever
dharma – in love & truth- takes in
your green-eyed monster in a finale
that which is a beginning . the end
is the beginning

true. bharathi says,
“dharmathin vaazhvadhanai soodhu kavvum,
dharmam marubadiyum vellum”



2.
the murraya koenigii plantlet soulmate
pillared almost out of its death in iron spirits
accompanies this my simulated journey
for howmuchever lenghtful bit of stints..showing
her love & most importantly with devouted
loyalty:

 “Thiruniraiselvi”- had christened
her, jostling in full bloomed inflorescence
& shedding away its petalous featherlets
selflessly, the emanating
heavenly hints of
a raw mangoish-metallic-citrussy-leafy fragrance
each time I breathe in its centric letting in
soul entrance…whispers the same cosmic mantra
of strength & solitude …an ecstatically stimulating
one that

[which is not
the skindeepish happiness tints of shallowly
existences -surfing the matrices
in quite namesake and rapid lobbied leaps]


fills soul’s expanse  
in a needful melancholic continuum
that pulsates ecstatic, a heart
that yet just brims out
in spite of anything