When its all there, but you can't reach it

You're brought from your cell -be it metaphorical or the result of getting caught- to a place that has already been described to you... It's your last bit of everything. An hour in this room with your loved ones, possessions, music and distractions; anything you wanted, before it's taken away. I mean TAKEN AWAY. There's no release switch... After this you're going to be without light, water, food and company until you die. That room and that hour is everything to you. They open the door and let you in. Life isn't fair. They pull you back out and close the door. That's all I'm saying.

From here you guys do what you want. It's about an embracing of unfairness and more importantly, individual interpretation of whatever I just rambled on about.

One entry. Two weeks.

My Last Letter

what have i done
my dear rosalinda
you gave me an important lesson
i shall always remember you
my dear gianna
i wish things could've been different
mother you gave me the will to survive
from all the beatin you gave me
dad i will love you
for your hard work and honesty
Marco i want us to be brothers again
but we have too many differences
Miguel you will have always been my inspiration
to push myself and try harder in life
Diego I will forever be sorry
to the things i have done to you
Jorge i wish i was the older brother youu wanted
i failed you.....i regret this life
David the little brother i never got to know
maybe if things were different i would've been there for you
All of you meant something to me
all of you made an impact on my life
Frank good news
i will finally get to see you in the Afterlife
Joker, the poet who died young
i will meet you as well although i never met you
To you reading this you may not know me
but i want you to know to live on and never give up
Death i will have a very interesting conversation with you
and want to know why you intrude in young lives
God know that i may not hold the same beliefs i did when i was young
but that i hold faith in you through the end
Lucifer I know you will have fun
torturing my blackish soul and demented mind
To all my friends you have helped me
in ways that even i dont know but thank you
To all the people i wished i got to know better
i want you to know that u guys were awesome to know
To all the strangers in the world
keep your shit together and learn from my mistakes
To all the abusers in my past
you never took my life and you never will
and finally to myself
you could have put more effort
put more work
but now your in here
and your never getting out until you die
you have to live with the consequences of your actions
maybe in these final moments you'll find peace
and come to terms with your past and put it behind you
although its unlikely you dont know whats going to happen
i hear footsteps close by

church

look at you all
in the [literal heart of jesus]
the actual heart
of our lord jesus

ringed around his aorta
asphyxiating our lord jesus

& someday we all
will die

but I'll be excommunicated first

before I leave,
let me say a few
pre prepared words
& kill you one by one

releasing the heart
[the literal heart]
of our lord jesus

My end

Locked in this hell for far to long
never had a visitor until today
not even a letter
I've never even stepped a foot out of my cell

one hour was given
one fucking hour to eat and enjoy life
then I'll starve, freeze
I will never see the light of day again
until they carry my lifeless body out to be shown to the unloving

so everyones here
I guess they decided to say their goodbyes
or they came to laugh at my downfall
that's ok I'm alright
false tears staining their cheek
I'm not impressed

someone even brought me food saying its my favorite dish
none of them have a clue what I like
but I eat it anyways
drowning them out while I  listen to my favorite song playing on the radio
focusing on the lyrics
at least they got something right
music is what I'll miss
the only thing I've ever had and it will be missed

clock ticks towards my hours end
I know I'll never see these faces again
but that's what I chose as my fate
I could have walked out the door beside them
went to sleep on someone's couch
and pretended I belonged
knowing they would talk their pillow talk about my lifeless life
no thank you
I was fine when I arrived and I'll be fine as soon as I'm dead
pity nothing I'm the one that's blessed
I'll be alone until I wither away
and they will live in misery even with all their luxuries

This was for my best

Time out

like when the town simpleton
showed all the signs of love
and the old women gathered in the square
patting each other senseless
for all the Hail Marys they whispered
on the occasions his mother felt strong enough
to show him off in public

two full weeks them women spread the word
celebrating the power of prayer
and their obvious intimacy with the woman above  

when news spread
about the nature of the love
the old women gathered in the square again  
this time, there was no patting
no passion in praying or saying praise to the Heavens
this time the younger ones came
and all the same townsfolk
from the last time justice was served
with a side of knuckle sandwich

they left that one on the side of the road
watching his bones move through the holes in his jeans
and propped his lover up on a traffic cone
dead as a dodo.
when he woke up in hospital
the old women were kneeling by the bed
whispering prayers on him
and shedding tears
because there was still some life left
in that simple head of his
   
this time, there'll be no respite
"There's a time and place for mercy" they said
and they cried prayers at each other
because that's all they had
by way of anesthesia



   

   



 

 


 
 

Love it lep love it

~~One Hour~~


A deserving fate for one such as myself
I knew it, they knew it.

one hour
then nothing
ever again
how cruel
how crazy
how unfair
yet
I except it
it is my fate

I could have anything in my last real hour
anything I desired

In my hour
I want nothing
I want silence
no materials
no friends
no family
in my hour
I shall search
for inner peace
I shall search my soul
absolving myself with the silence

one hour
versus eternity
whats the difference
memories now
are memories then
no need for more
one hour
to find myself
before the dark death consumes me
before dehydration of the soul sets in

the doors open to my final hour I walk in willingly, I do not look back
no point in it. fate is fate.

“Deadbeat Farewell"
http://ummmmheyyyy.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/rich-kid-1.jpg
Hey Mom and Dad,
Big Brother Billy,
Lil’ Sister Kate,
so good to see you guys.
My gosh I’ve missed you, and
all the fun out by the pool, the
gourmet meals with the best silver,
Jag rides in the posh countryside,
endless riches we enjoyed, Oh Boy!
I can't think about all that now,
we haven’t got much time.
But, I wanted to thank all you
for what you’ve done for me.
Living with you was
the best training
a guy could ever ask for.
You gave me nothing, which
prepared me for the big house,
I honestly love you for it.
Bet you expected me to
go nuts on you, hurl nasty expletives,
give you a piece of my mind,
tell y’all to go get fucked.
Really, how could I do such a thing?
If I did that I’d be fucking myself,
each of you made me who I am.
Oh yes,  they’re sending me up shit’s creek.
But again, it’s not your fault.
I did the crime, time now for me to do the time.
They aren’t giving me anything where I’m going,
not even light, I'll being staying in a 4’ by 4’ dark hole.
No music, no television, no reading at night.
I won’t even be able to screw, will have to do it
to myself since you won’t be around.
By the way, our hour is almost up.
So long, farewell my dear loved ones,
I bid you adieu merrily, quite happily.
Please though, don’t bother coming back ever again.
I need nothing, which is what you all are to me, zeroes.
I hope you get what you deserve, like I did.
Happy trails deadbeat family.

I suppose I'm lucky to be untied;
the nest flew a long time ago and so they should have
but I'm not going to lie about her skin, eyes
and ankles that clapped on my shoulders.
I don't think it was love but it was more than a fuck.

For all that she was, she's becoming blurred:
melting through this warm black
that won't be so warm when the whisky departs
my thickening, feckless blood.

Time dissolves into waves of consciousness
and as the bliss of piss and shit is welcomed to my nose
I think: Is this it? Has sanity vacated?
But of course, it never will.

Each waking moment her ankles are beating off me
and she's drenching us both. She smells like bliss.
After, as we sit with the lights down dim, I tell her
I don't want to lose my mind.
She takes my hand and tells me
that it doesn't want to lose me either.
I put my head on her lap, that feels like bliss,
and dream about blinding lights and colours
that I can't close my eyes from.

Sixteen paces one way
Fourteen the other,
Thirty six steel bars
A crack in the concrete floor
two fingertips between 21 and 22.

My cot has 14 screws
56 chain links hold it in place
a parade of ants marched through
68 total
one with 1/32 of a peanut.

I have been here
25 years
4 months
5 days
6 hours
17 minutes
and 38; no 39 seconds
Dead on the outside
Reborn on the inside
indoctrinated in captivity
winding truth around my head
a balding man with a combover
focusing on every dust particle
every fly, every roach,
every last sound
holding on; squeezing all the life I can
every minute, every second, every day

"Inmate 159; your turn."
Me.
Bars open wide
His hands are rough, but hers are soft
both sets are firm
dragging me down a hall
I've never gone down before
Oh god oh god oh god
I've never gone. down. before.
It's more than 50 paces
Breathing is. heavy.
Floors are crooked; crooked?
Faces swim; light pours through
I reach this door I've never seen
at least 10 hands wide
oh god oh god
it opens

I can't take the screaming
this world this room screams
mom dad? baby Jesse? I can't
it screams in stimulus
my heart is slamming
floor moves quickly
and there is nothing
nothing to see here

no family escorted out soundlessly sobbing
no sheet covered gurney escaping through the side
no hasty mopping; no bloody water

"Inmate 160; your turn."

Mr A, hands down. Not a lot to read through, but then again I wasn't asking people to write about daihbdufiaphrenujngopegha, maybe next time. I got through the first three lines with a small amount of interest, until 'ankles that clapped on my shoulders' then it all kicked in to place and stepped up a notch. Nice pen good sir, nice pen!

Well thank you, squire. Was all in the wrist.

MrAlptraum said:Well thank you, squire. Was all in the wrist.



Good job Mr. A congrats