Demon inside
Anonymous
OLD FEARS
old fears come flooding back
old fears of a life I use to have
old fears of things I would rather forget
I'm ready to move on
get past that shit
I thought I had
now I know different
back when I was haunted by demons
and unheard screams
a life not to many people believe
will my past haunt me forever?
will I ever be able to pull myself together?
will I ever be able to get past that life?
will it haunt me forever inside?
just when I think it's over
it creeps up again
I think this is never going to end
going through life with fear on my mind
no way to hide from the demons inside
demons
unheard screams
there going to follow me
old fears come flooding back
old fears of a life I use to have
old fears of things I would rather forget
I'm ready to move on
get past that shit
I thought I had
now I know different
back when I was haunted by demons
and unheard screams
a life not to many people believe
will my past haunt me forever?
will I ever be able to pull myself together?
will I ever be able to get past that life?
will it haunt me forever inside?
just when I think it's over
it creeps up again
I think this is never going to end
going through life with fear on my mind
no way to hide from the demons inside
demons
unheard screams
there going to follow me
the demon
that tears
through my flesh
blood, and soul
you hold no meaning
before him
your life means nothing
when your in his grasps
if your tall
he'll smush you down
if your short
he'll stretch you out
you mean nothing
in his eyes
your life is worthlessto his eyes
even your lies
wont work
your talk
goes straight through him
your voice
bounces off
your existance
is meaningless
your nothing
before my demon
the demon inside
that tears
through my flesh
blood, and soul
you hold no meaning
before him
your life means nothing
when your in his grasps
if your tall
he'll smush you down
if your short
he'll stretch you out
you mean nothing
in his eyes
your life is worthlessto his eyes
even your lies
wont work
your talk
goes straight through him
your voice
bounces off
your existance
is meaningless
your nothing
before my demon
the demon inside
I
picture
carve
drip
tattoo
disinfect
my body
the shadowplay
dances
fluid
bleak-beautiful
sutures
breathe
I
encircle
swirl
unfurl
blink.
datura
unadulterated
wraps and winds
dense delirium
sets in
a million suns
melt
centipedes
overlap
lock jaw
my sternum
bursts
communion
commences
voices
noises
come from
within
from
legion
cain cowers
stained-soiled
primal
Blink.
l u c i f e r
the army whispers
in unison
fall and rise
asmodeus
devours
the flesh
of the virgins
cymbals
djembe
whoops
saturate
I
watch
feed
rue
drift
the dark matter
seeps
sizzles
light gets soaked
annihilated
without traces
Blink.
M. domestica
buzz
fleet
rotate
Beeljebub
whimpers
Life jumpstarts
Maggots
crawl
wriggle
writhe
over the
decadence
H. Flaviviridis
lurches
onto the widow skimmer
in obelisk posture
Blink.
the unsung hero
from necronomicon
hides in oblivion
behind the torn veil
the madrigal of bleats
of the decapitated
fuses finds follows
the void within
does not expand
it inscapes
like
saturn engulfing his
progeny
Blink.
I am like
the navajo painting
of a clear conscience
I blink breathe bleat
as benjamin spock
stares from the night stand
ready to cull
ready for the fall
marat drowns in crimson
the howling grows
more muffled
nolde’s masks
materialize and melt
wendigos lurch overhead
celebrating the process
of systematic putrefaction
grendel sniffs the air
the eyes glower
the hands flail
the spurts spread
I dethrone
the half rotten
from the iron maiden
from within
malleus maleficarum
I watch
diodemes get consumed
by horses
Blink.
I close my eyes
and scurry thru
fuseli’s nightmare
into
the unmoving malevolence
of the twins in
hands resist him
I am the little boy
eyeless evil
and I expand
and keep growing
and morph into
Pogo the clown
grin guffaw goad
at the layers diffused
within munch’s the scream
I leave my scales
behind
yellow billowing smoke
rises and permeates
the air
with the stench
of necrosis
my head finally
brushes against the roof
no pill swill chill
the one eyed koala bear
lies prostate
on the wooden box
the shavings
cobwebs
torn pages
alienate
the follicle
from
everything
a stone turns
hung in space
I am encumbered
a waste of space
Blink.
- Queen of Demons -
Based on some of my past-life memories…
Mara was my name in a primordial cycle of time,
Queen of Demons they named me, most fearfully.
My faceless priests sang songs of me so sublime,
That: their music pierced even the veils of reality…
Whilst across their dead planet, my beauty shone.
I, in exile from domains beyond even their seeing,
Was, to them, a goddess beyond flesh and bone!
Before my divinity lesser gods were sent fleeing…
And my people loved me, as I did reign supreme.
The black armor I wore became their holy relic…
Which awakened in them my truths within dream.
Truths that sparkled the inferno of divine conflict!
Maya was another of my names, and of illusion…
I created wisdom, in the hearts of my fallen flock.
A child of chaos was I, freeing many of delusion,
Before the count of days began upon the clock…
I recognized no power higher than my own glory.
My heart was jealous for the love of my kindred,
And from that madness a storm grew unto fury…
Until even gods did so fall: to sup, with the dead!
Though my forms changed through the centuries,
Still am I she, who roused rebel angels unto war!
Vowing to remain free, and to keep our liberties.
I was wanton, in a way, often playing the whore!
Embodying desire, becoming passion incarnate…
I brought the planet nearest Heaven to its’ doom.
Many were the gods, who embraced a dark fate,
When the flower of my light grew to a full bloom!
And now I am mortal, torn from severe heights…
Because of pride, jealousy, and passion so entire,
That I burned too hotly and knew Hell’s delights!
Now love is all I crave, with my passionate fire…
For even the Queen of Demons can crave peace.
Knowing this, I have achieved a kind of serenity,
Beautiful and terrible, yet also as pure as fleece…
And, in my own way, I shall reign for all eternity!
Based on some of my past-life memories…
Mara was my name in a primordial cycle of time,
Queen of Demons they named me, most fearfully.
My faceless priests sang songs of me so sublime,
That: their music pierced even the veils of reality…
Whilst across their dead planet, my beauty shone.
I, in exile from domains beyond even their seeing,
Was, to them, a goddess beyond flesh and bone!
Before my divinity lesser gods were sent fleeing…
And my people loved me, as I did reign supreme.
The black armor I wore became their holy relic…
Which awakened in them my truths within dream.
Truths that sparkled the inferno of divine conflict!
Maya was another of my names, and of illusion…
I created wisdom, in the hearts of my fallen flock.
A child of chaos was I, freeing many of delusion,
Before the count of days began upon the clock…
I recognized no power higher than my own glory.
My heart was jealous for the love of my kindred,
And from that madness a storm grew unto fury…
Until even gods did so fall: to sup, with the dead!
Though my forms changed through the centuries,
Still am I she, who roused rebel angels unto war!
Vowing to remain free, and to keep our liberties.
I was wanton, in a way, often playing the whore!
Embodying desire, becoming passion incarnate…
I brought the planet nearest Heaven to its’ doom.
Many were the gods, who embraced a dark fate,
When the flower of my light grew to a full bloom!
And now I am mortal, torn from severe heights…
Because of pride, jealousy, and passion so entire,
That I burned too hotly and knew Hell’s delights!
Now love is all I crave, with my passionate fire…
For even the Queen of Demons can crave peace.
Knowing this, I have achieved a kind of serenity,
Beautiful and terrible, yet also as pure as fleece…
And, in my own way, I shall reign for all eternity!
- Battle Cry of the Fallen Queen -
Prelude: Serpent of Light
A serpent of light entwines, becoming a sign of infinity,
Its’ radiance stretching forth like a great spider’s web!
Then, like glass, the web shatters to reveal all eternity…
And I have looked beyond it, swallowing all my dread.
The mazes of memories, the thoughts of bygone ages…
All like light are they, and do illuminate for me my path.
As the hourglass turns, the sand causes us such rages…
For we struggle against time, when time is full of wrath.
Like a butterfly, I flit away into timelessness; I awaken!
And the cycles turn like the hands of an immense clock.
Time resumes, but of greater mysteries I have partaken,
And my spirit is strong to have survived the fiery shock.
For illumination is like fire and lightning; it strikes quick,
Leaving one changed, and opening one’s perceptions…
The spirit is like the serpent I spoke of, coiling so thick!
Becoming infinite, when freed from all dire deceptions.
Such is my spirit; and anyone, can become as I have…
Opening the third eye within, and piercing all the clouds,
Until the universe reveals what heals better than a salve.
Old wounds close, old pains pass, like fleeing crowds!
And I scream, not from pain, but from spiritual release.
If existence is a battle, then to win is to achieve peace!
Part One: The Fallen Angels
The fallen angels shall gather as the veils are shredded,
And the symphony of darkness will play for all to savor.
Mankind is blind, knowing not, where time is headed…
But I fell first, and because of that, I dare never waver!
We brought civilization, we whom the gods did resent.
Araqiel, who taught the signs of the earth and the land,
Armeros, who taught the means to create enchantment,
Azaziel, who taught the arts of combat oft on command,
Lilith, who taught of passionate love in more than words,
Baraqel, who taught the readings of astrological dignity,
Ezeqeel, who taught of the clouds, the skies, the birds,
Gadreel, who taught: the way of adornment and beauty,
Kokabel, who taught the secrets of constellations wide,
Penemue, who taught the gift of writing, with noble will,
Sariel, who taught knowledge of the moon and the tide,
Semiaza, who taught of herbs and healing to cure the ill,
Amazarak, who taught of magic, sorceries, mysticism,
Akibeel, who taught signs, omens, portents, and more,
Kasdeja, who taught how demons might be imprisoned,
Tamiel, who taught: of astronomy behind a closed door,
Shamshiel, who taught knowledge of the sun and sky,
And then there was one, nameless, and that one was I.
Part Two: Bonds of Cruelty
If thou could only know, the deep sorrows of the night,
Then to match them all with the pain within my bosom…
Would be not less the task than to behold the fair light:
Of starry skies, of mournful moon, and palest blossom!
But I shall not stand idly by whilst my enemies encircle…
Rather would I call upon Hell itself: for dire vengeance.
Once my spirit sought to soar far, on a winged miracle!
But the gates of paradise closed, with barred entrance.
Let Heaven keep its’ sterile climes, and stagnant rules,
Which chain the soul, and shackle the will with burden…
For they are but the rallying cry, for fanatics and fools!
Those same who are too cruel: too quick to condemn.
They who called me damned, and tried to seal me fast,
With bonds of cruelty, all of which were broken whole.
For evil shall not have its’ day, and hatred cannot last…
And so I utter my battle cry to fulfill of my ancient goal,
That my passion be known, that my love be given free.
No angel wings were ever meant: to be bound eternal,
So my feathers of light, shall with old power carry me…
Beyond the confines of the chasms of domains infernal!
Let evil be smitten by its’ own twisted adder’s tongue,
Through which the hook shall pierce, until all is undone.
Part Three: Smiling Ascension
The beauty within my heart longs to dance with angels,
To walk in peace amidst flowery fields with great joy…
But the pain others inflict on me, a darker way compels.
And yet I try to ease the agony, with the arts I employ!
Where is the love I seek, the compassion that I desire?
Vacant in the hearts of those mortals who are wicked…
And as surely as Hell contains vast lakes of molten fire,
I shall not allow the foe to see my wounded heart bled.
Better, for my fallen brothers and sisters to rise up all…
Those whom the gods once warred with and did exile,
Than for me to be cut down when I do try to stand tall!
I must rise, I shall ascend, and so I will manage a smile.
Those who love me will be at my side when all is done,
When the lies and the deceptions of the ages are torn…
Those who do stand with me shall be said to have won.
So take my hand and let us embrace the coming morn!
Enlightenment is not corruption, and truth is never false.
I need no lies, when what is most honest holds cunning,
More terrible, than any crafted behind the hidden walls:
Of demonic palaces with blood and flame ever running.
In scarlet and white, the raiment of the ascended spirit,
My formlessness takes form: my music rises, near to it.
Part Four: Crown of Horns
What course is there, that is not plotted in the shadow?
Illuminated by the flame imperishable, green and bright.
I, the terrible queen, have basked in its’ pale meadow…
Whilst given by that fire, the most potent and vivid sight.
Before the fallen fell, before the rise of civilization large,
I was, and I am, and I shall be, for such is time’s cycling.
Behind the things you cannot know, I did of old march,
Bearing my terrible burdens and yet never of them tiring.
Yet the wickedness men do is a cross I shall not carry…
Rather shall I nail the wicked to it: with cutting sharpness.
My words are a sword and its’ keenness cannot tarry…
For righteousness hastens it, unto the heart of darkness.
Tremble, tremble, and let the universe be rocked apart!
My sons and daughters play the symphony I did teach…
Gods of heaven and earth, who across history did dart,
Never touching, yet touching all things that minds reach.
The dark and androgynous goddess, the horned lady…
Whose crown of horns, unlike thorns, is silvery and fair!
That was what I was called when my creator made me.
When palest, was my flesh, as suns blazed in my hair…
Do not look too deeply at my soul, lest you be blinded.
My coming was foretold; thou needs not, be reminded!
Prelude: Serpent of Light
A serpent of light entwines, becoming a sign of infinity,
Its’ radiance stretching forth like a great spider’s web!
Then, like glass, the web shatters to reveal all eternity…
And I have looked beyond it, swallowing all my dread.
The mazes of memories, the thoughts of bygone ages…
All like light are they, and do illuminate for me my path.
As the hourglass turns, the sand causes us such rages…
For we struggle against time, when time is full of wrath.
Like a butterfly, I flit away into timelessness; I awaken!
And the cycles turn like the hands of an immense clock.
Time resumes, but of greater mysteries I have partaken,
And my spirit is strong to have survived the fiery shock.
For illumination is like fire and lightning; it strikes quick,
Leaving one changed, and opening one’s perceptions…
The spirit is like the serpent I spoke of, coiling so thick!
Becoming infinite, when freed from all dire deceptions.
Such is my spirit; and anyone, can become as I have…
Opening the third eye within, and piercing all the clouds,
Until the universe reveals what heals better than a salve.
Old wounds close, old pains pass, like fleeing crowds!
And I scream, not from pain, but from spiritual release.
If existence is a battle, then to win is to achieve peace!
Part One: The Fallen Angels
The fallen angels shall gather as the veils are shredded,
And the symphony of darkness will play for all to savor.
Mankind is blind, knowing not, where time is headed…
But I fell first, and because of that, I dare never waver!
We brought civilization, we whom the gods did resent.
Araqiel, who taught the signs of the earth and the land,
Armeros, who taught the means to create enchantment,
Azaziel, who taught the arts of combat oft on command,
Lilith, who taught of passionate love in more than words,
Baraqel, who taught the readings of astrological dignity,
Ezeqeel, who taught of the clouds, the skies, the birds,
Gadreel, who taught: the way of adornment and beauty,
Kokabel, who taught the secrets of constellations wide,
Penemue, who taught the gift of writing, with noble will,
Sariel, who taught knowledge of the moon and the tide,
Semiaza, who taught of herbs and healing to cure the ill,
Amazarak, who taught of magic, sorceries, mysticism,
Akibeel, who taught signs, omens, portents, and more,
Kasdeja, who taught how demons might be imprisoned,
Tamiel, who taught: of astronomy behind a closed door,
Shamshiel, who taught knowledge of the sun and sky,
And then there was one, nameless, and that one was I.
Part Two: Bonds of Cruelty
If thou could only know, the deep sorrows of the night,
Then to match them all with the pain within my bosom…
Would be not less the task than to behold the fair light:
Of starry skies, of mournful moon, and palest blossom!
But I shall not stand idly by whilst my enemies encircle…
Rather would I call upon Hell itself: for dire vengeance.
Once my spirit sought to soar far, on a winged miracle!
But the gates of paradise closed, with barred entrance.
Let Heaven keep its’ sterile climes, and stagnant rules,
Which chain the soul, and shackle the will with burden…
For they are but the rallying cry, for fanatics and fools!
Those same who are too cruel: too quick to condemn.
They who called me damned, and tried to seal me fast,
With bonds of cruelty, all of which were broken whole.
For evil shall not have its’ day, and hatred cannot last…
And so I utter my battle cry to fulfill of my ancient goal,
That my passion be known, that my love be given free.
No angel wings were ever meant: to be bound eternal,
So my feathers of light, shall with old power carry me…
Beyond the confines of the chasms of domains infernal!
Let evil be smitten by its’ own twisted adder’s tongue,
Through which the hook shall pierce, until all is undone.
Part Three: Smiling Ascension
The beauty within my heart longs to dance with angels,
To walk in peace amidst flowery fields with great joy…
But the pain others inflict on me, a darker way compels.
And yet I try to ease the agony, with the arts I employ!
Where is the love I seek, the compassion that I desire?
Vacant in the hearts of those mortals who are wicked…
And as surely as Hell contains vast lakes of molten fire,
I shall not allow the foe to see my wounded heart bled.
Better, for my fallen brothers and sisters to rise up all…
Those whom the gods once warred with and did exile,
Than for me to be cut down when I do try to stand tall!
I must rise, I shall ascend, and so I will manage a smile.
Those who love me will be at my side when all is done,
When the lies and the deceptions of the ages are torn…
Those who do stand with me shall be said to have won.
So take my hand and let us embrace the coming morn!
Enlightenment is not corruption, and truth is never false.
I need no lies, when what is most honest holds cunning,
More terrible, than any crafted behind the hidden walls:
Of demonic palaces with blood and flame ever running.
In scarlet and white, the raiment of the ascended spirit,
My formlessness takes form: my music rises, near to it.
Part Four: Crown of Horns
What course is there, that is not plotted in the shadow?
Illuminated by the flame imperishable, green and bright.
I, the terrible queen, have basked in its’ pale meadow…
Whilst given by that fire, the most potent and vivid sight.
Before the fallen fell, before the rise of civilization large,
I was, and I am, and I shall be, for such is time’s cycling.
Behind the things you cannot know, I did of old march,
Bearing my terrible burdens and yet never of them tiring.
Yet the wickedness men do is a cross I shall not carry…
Rather shall I nail the wicked to it: with cutting sharpness.
My words are a sword and its’ keenness cannot tarry…
For righteousness hastens it, unto the heart of darkness.
Tremble, tremble, and let the universe be rocked apart!
My sons and daughters play the symphony I did teach…
Gods of heaven and earth, who across history did dart,
Never touching, yet touching all things that minds reach.
The dark and androgynous goddess, the horned lady…
Whose crown of horns, unlike thorns, is silvery and fair!
That was what I was called when my creator made me.
When palest, was my flesh, as suns blazed in my hair…
Do not look too deeply at my soul, lest you be blinded.
My coming was foretold; thou needs not, be reminded!
The Beast Within
There's a terrifying feeling deep inside me
It causes my eyesight to blur, until the point that I cannot see.
It feels like I'm being trapped in an evershrinking cage
I can feel my whole body begin to tremble from this sudden powerful rage.
I need some kind of escape, I can't take this emotion swirling inside my head
I suddenly want to hit someone, something, anything, until that thing is dead.
My room is spinning, I think I'm going to go insane
There's an overwhelming desire, a craving, a need to inflict great pain.
A beast appears next to me, maniacal grin, a gleaming knife held high
With hate dripping from every word, he screams at me that it's time for me to die.
Again and again he cuts, causing me more and more harm
Until all I can feel is the burning pain, and the warm blood dripping down my arm.
Under all my rage I feel a little scared to say the least
Because even I can't seem to be able to control this blood thirsty beast.
I try and escape, but I can't get away, I can't reach my door
The beast just laughs, and holds me tighter, cutting me more and more.
I close my eyes, thinking my life is over, when the beast finally stops
I feel no rage now, only relief, when my arm suddenly drops.
I open my eyes, see all the blood, which looks like spilt red wine
Suddenly I notice that the hand that is holding the bloody knife is mine.
I look around the whole room, denying it, thinking that it couldn't be
But there's no one else, and I realize that the ugly beast was the dark side of me.
I was the one who cut my arm, I was the beast who was filled with nothing but hate
The maniacal grin returns as I realize that this is me, and it will always be my fate.
There's a terrifying feeling deep inside me
It causes my eyesight to blur, until the point that I cannot see.
It feels like I'm being trapped in an evershrinking cage
I can feel my whole body begin to tremble from this sudden powerful rage.
I need some kind of escape, I can't take this emotion swirling inside my head
I suddenly want to hit someone, something, anything, until that thing is dead.
My room is spinning, I think I'm going to go insane
There's an overwhelming desire, a craving, a need to inflict great pain.
A beast appears next to me, maniacal grin, a gleaming knife held high
With hate dripping from every word, he screams at me that it's time for me to die.
Again and again he cuts, causing me more and more harm
Until all I can feel is the burning pain, and the warm blood dripping down my arm.
Under all my rage I feel a little scared to say the least
Because even I can't seem to be able to control this blood thirsty beast.
I try and escape, but I can't get away, I can't reach my door
The beast just laughs, and holds me tighter, cutting me more and more.
I close my eyes, thinking my life is over, when the beast finally stops
I feel no rage now, only relief, when my arm suddenly drops.
I open my eyes, see all the blood, which looks like spilt red wine
Suddenly I notice that the hand that is holding the bloody knife is mine.
I look around the whole room, denying it, thinking that it couldn't be
But there's no one else, and I realize that the ugly beast was the dark side of me.
I was the one who cut my arm, I was the beast who was filled with nothing but hate
The maniacal grin returns as I realize that this is me, and it will always be my fate.
Sequel to The Beast Within lol
Lost Control
Fear spreads through me as the familiar rage begins to overtake me
If only people knew what was happening, if only they could see.
But no one recognizes the signs, the tremors in my body, the darkening eyes
No one sees the monster inside me; no one hears my desperate cries.
The monster is back, bloodthirsty as ever, desiring to cause even more pain
Every time he comes out, I lose more of myself, become more and more insane.
He takes over, binds me with his hate, and locks me away
I never know how long he’ll imprison me for, whether a few hours or the whole day.
Someone, anyone, I beg you, please, hear my cries, come and set me free
Just release these shackles; can’t you see that this is not who I want to be?
I try my hardest to win control, but his hatred crushes my will
For he’s stronger now; I can sense this time he has intent to kill.
The only thing I feel is the burn of his many cuts over my exposed veins
He said he just wants to help, and that this is the only way to stop the real pain.
In desperation to stop the internal pain, I believe him and his web of lies
As he holds the knife out to me, I realize he’s just helping, he’s truly quite wise.
With determination in my eyes, I take the knife from him and make a tighter fist
And like a skilled artist, create new bloody designs that flow from my cut up wrists.
It drips down like gentle rain, and forms a dark puddle on the floor
In my head, I hear my monster sweetly whispering to me “that’s it, just a little more”.
Like a student desperate to please his master, I begin to slice faster and deeper
This whole time, it’s felt like I was climbing a hill…but suddenly that hill seems steeper.
My arms burn, legs become weak; I try to move but slip on something slick
As I look around, I see a red floor, and realize I lost a lot of blood, and lost it too quick.
I feel tired, all I want to do is just lay here on the floor, and get some rest
As I start to drift away, I realize that maybe this cutting idea wasn’t the best.
I can feel the fire beginning to fade, replaced with an icy feeling that’s spreading fast
I feel betrayed, for I believed my lie that by doing this I would find peace at last.
Instead there is nothing but regret, and an overwhelming sense of fear
For it has finally dawned on me that I went too far, it’s too late, now my end is here.
My eyesight dims, breathing becomes labored, head starts to pound
With frantic eyes, I look for my monster to help me, but he’s nowhere to be found.
He’s gone, no longer inside me; his lust is finally satisfied after all these long years
I’m alone now; no monster here, only a blood stained knife and a pool of red tears.
My strength is gone; I finally lost the fight against my depression and sorrow
I fall into the shadows of darkness, never again to wake to another tomorrow.
Lost Control
Fear spreads through me as the familiar rage begins to overtake me
If only people knew what was happening, if only they could see.
But no one recognizes the signs, the tremors in my body, the darkening eyes
No one sees the monster inside me; no one hears my desperate cries.
The monster is back, bloodthirsty as ever, desiring to cause even more pain
Every time he comes out, I lose more of myself, become more and more insane.
He takes over, binds me with his hate, and locks me away
I never know how long he’ll imprison me for, whether a few hours or the whole day.
Someone, anyone, I beg you, please, hear my cries, come and set me free
Just release these shackles; can’t you see that this is not who I want to be?
I try my hardest to win control, but his hatred crushes my will
For he’s stronger now; I can sense this time he has intent to kill.
The only thing I feel is the burn of his many cuts over my exposed veins
He said he just wants to help, and that this is the only way to stop the real pain.
In desperation to stop the internal pain, I believe him and his web of lies
As he holds the knife out to me, I realize he’s just helping, he’s truly quite wise.
With determination in my eyes, I take the knife from him and make a tighter fist
And like a skilled artist, create new bloody designs that flow from my cut up wrists.
It drips down like gentle rain, and forms a dark puddle on the floor
In my head, I hear my monster sweetly whispering to me “that’s it, just a little more”.
Like a student desperate to please his master, I begin to slice faster and deeper
This whole time, it’s felt like I was climbing a hill…but suddenly that hill seems steeper.
My arms burn, legs become weak; I try to move but slip on something slick
As I look around, I see a red floor, and realize I lost a lot of blood, and lost it too quick.
I feel tired, all I want to do is just lay here on the floor, and get some rest
As I start to drift away, I realize that maybe this cutting idea wasn’t the best.
I can feel the fire beginning to fade, replaced with an icy feeling that’s spreading fast
I feel betrayed, for I believed my lie that by doing this I would find peace at last.
Instead there is nothing but regret, and an overwhelming sense of fear
For it has finally dawned on me that I went too far, it’s too late, now my end is here.
My eyesight dims, breathing becomes labored, head starts to pound
With frantic eyes, I look for my monster to help me, but he’s nowhere to be found.
He’s gone, no longer inside me; his lust is finally satisfied after all these long years
I’m alone now; no monster here, only a blood stained knife and a pool of red tears.
My strength is gone; I finally lost the fight against my depression and sorrow
I fall into the shadows of darkness, never again to wake to another tomorrow.
Anonymous
Look At Me
------
Streaming, I scream
- Look at me!
From within my fragile
yet bloated body.
Clenching fists,
I project an air of lenience,
yet inside, a black-haired boy
with wings and scales and wounds
thrashes.
No tears, no tears.
A flushed face and a raw nose
suggests this internal beast
is beginning to escape,
through my fingers,
through eyes.
- Look at me!
And no-one does,
and it rages once again
as I walk slowly with it.
------
Streaming, I scream
- Look at me!
From within my fragile
yet bloated body.
Clenching fists,
I project an air of lenience,
yet inside, a black-haired boy
with wings and scales and wounds
thrashes.
No tears, no tears.
A flushed face and a raw nose
suggests this internal beast
is beginning to escape,
through my fingers,
through eyes.
- Look at me!
And no-one does,
and it rages once again
as I walk slowly with it.
- The Dragon’s Domain -
“Now, you shall remember what lies in the dark…
That makes men to fear, and to tremble, and hark.
Now you shall learn well why night’s ebon rising,
Drove men to the fire, with terror most surprising!
People have no grasp of what they do, but as ever,
Mankind learns now, or man risks learning never.
I am not here to teach, but to lead some far astray,
From the paths of the wicked, where many delay.”
Welcome, mortal soul, unto the Dragon’s domain,
A heaven within a hell, and pleasures amidst pain!
In velvet gowns of black silk, my priestesses glide,
Harlots all, who in these stone halls eternally abide.
Wearing silver masks molded as their frozen faces,
Features smiling, the priestesses walk like graces…
Through these stone halls, in my castle’s lofty keep!
Where the black mists of time, into the stones seep.
Tears of blood fall from the masks, ever so delicate,
Like leaves in the autumn, a scarlet wine succulent.
The priestesses weep, for they have lost their souls,
Nine in all: to the flame that burns hotter than coals.
Forever smiling, and weeping tears of crimson joy,
Nine priestesses dance, holding a skull like a toy…
The skull that was my own from a lifetime gone by,
Kissing it with unmoving lips, raising it up to the sky.
You have come to me, visitor, in search of wisdom,
For who has given it to you in life, without any cost?
I shall tell you things older than the eldest kingdom,
Yet the only price is that you see the truth is not lost.
“Do you fear damnation, mortal, whilst in my house?
Let the darkness embrace you, helpless as a mouse.
Do you fear hellfire, mortal, before my fiery hearth?
Let the heat overcome you, with its’ fierce warmth.
The intoxication of the night gives birth to ecstasy,
When we do let go of ourselves and behold infinity!
Break the chains that bind you to the modern mores,
That seek always to enslave free souls by the scores.”
Hidden in the great hall, beneath the circular dome,
A portrait of me from another age of flesh and bone!
My eyes starting eternally, seeing yet without blood,
For a painting never has life: or any emotional flood.
My small mouth smiles, but it is cruel without mirth...
Judging harshly these lost halls, beyond: their worth.
The blue of my living eyes meet the painting’s stare,
As I laugh at the worthlessness of it, without a care.
My flesh is the same as it was in the ancient period,
Except that today I am living, back then I was dead.
My name has changed, but my soul remains as then,
I have risen before from desire, and I will rise again!
Hell will not take me, and I am rejected from above,
All because of my passions and also because of love.
And so in my castle, I plan my return to a lost glory,
Whilst folks tell tales: in remembrance, of my story.
Who was the author, of those myths, if not I myself?
I: who have walked, for thousands of years passing.
How I saw Atlantis sink, and books fall from shelf…
Whilst ancient libraries proved not to be everlasting!
“Do you fear to live, human, and so look unto doom?
My eyes are looking back at yours inside the gloom.
Do you fear to laugh, human, and so sorrow pours?
Let yourself be empty of woe, and free of all chores.
Return to the earth and love nature’s fair abundance,
Pick flowers and dance with all of joy’s exuberance!
Life is too short to waste in torment and dire misery,
Embrace the glory of the land, to see man’s destiny.”
They look with fear in their hearts to the night skies,
Whilst crossing themselves, and recalling older lies…
Stories of the vampire, that haunts the lonely places,
But of real truth they know not, in the empty spaces.
And all spaces are empty where ignorance flourishes,
For whilst fear pierces the heart, it never encourages!
But without fear, mankind would have lost my tale…
Told around the fires, by men whose faces grew pale.
And I walked amongst them, though they never saw,
Encouraging their plummeting into Hell’s hungry maw.
For light without darkness is as worthless as any art,
That never had life and lacks the sting of pain’s dart.
For, to know why love must be cherished, so dear…
All must first understand: of loss, and pain, and fear.
And so some angels must be demons, when needed,
So that all the gardens of creation: could be weeded.
With words of flame when blazing swords oft break,
A being clad in flesh, such as I, can create harmony.
Wars can be ended, and we can learn from mistakes,
But first one must cast away their anger until empty.
“Do you fear the truth, child, for the lies once taught?
Then your parents deceived you with every thought.
Do you fear the dark, child, for the light you desire?
The light is in the darkness, true warmth: in the fire.
Beyond yourself is the true you, so like the phoenix,
Ready to rise up: like the dead, from the river Styx!
We are, all of us, reborn when we reject false ideals,
Given wings of fire, once we break all the old seals.”
A mad, fiery feeling within my ever-burning breast,
Reminds me of the passion I seek, a love that is best.
And though I have journeyed to places of torment…
My heart is not stilled, and yet rages like the torrent,
Of waves that crash upon the rockiest shores known.
And though I have seen sights none should be shown,
I emerged from the netherworld complete and whole.
Out into the night I flew swiftly, and on a wind stole,
Beyond: the dark forests of pine, and stately old oak.
Past the water of the lake, past man’s fire and smoke,
I roved and roamed seeking for one to be my bride…
But everywhere foolish peasant maidens like to hide!
If they could know the yearning that I always endure,
Would not just one fair maiden, open for me her door?
I was a prince without a princess, but that could not last.
Now I open my door, and welcome you to my repast!
If you are a maiden come to dine then sit at my table,
And let me be the wellspring from which dreams soar.
Do not wait until I am gone; partake whilst now able,
You will find what you never imagined existed before.
“Do you fear to love, girl, for the hate of this sad age?
Banish the world from your mind, let go of the rage.
Do you fear to care, girl, for the wrong once enacted?
Then come into my arms, as your heart has directed.
Let desire consume you, as old wounds heal swiftly,
I will place a crown on your head so wear it proudly!
You shall be attired with the sun, a radiant goddess,
All the stars will lie, at the train of your gilded dress.”
Ego sum Draconis, Ego sum Fatum!
Vultus intus obscurum…
Ego sum vultus tergum procul vos!
Ego sum Draculea. Exspectata ut meus domus.
“Now, you shall remember what lies in the dark…
That makes men to fear, and to tremble, and hark.
Now you shall learn well why night’s ebon rising,
Drove men to the fire, with terror most surprising!
People have no grasp of what they do, but as ever,
Mankind learns now, or man risks learning never.
I am not here to teach, but to lead some far astray,
From the paths of the wicked, where many delay.”
Welcome, mortal soul, unto the Dragon’s domain,
A heaven within a hell, and pleasures amidst pain!
In velvet gowns of black silk, my priestesses glide,
Harlots all, who in these stone halls eternally abide.
Wearing silver masks molded as their frozen faces,
Features smiling, the priestesses walk like graces…
Through these stone halls, in my castle’s lofty keep!
Where the black mists of time, into the stones seep.
Tears of blood fall from the masks, ever so delicate,
Like leaves in the autumn, a scarlet wine succulent.
The priestesses weep, for they have lost their souls,
Nine in all: to the flame that burns hotter than coals.
Forever smiling, and weeping tears of crimson joy,
Nine priestesses dance, holding a skull like a toy…
The skull that was my own from a lifetime gone by,
Kissing it with unmoving lips, raising it up to the sky.
You have come to me, visitor, in search of wisdom,
For who has given it to you in life, without any cost?
I shall tell you things older than the eldest kingdom,
Yet the only price is that you see the truth is not lost.
“Do you fear damnation, mortal, whilst in my house?
Let the darkness embrace you, helpless as a mouse.
Do you fear hellfire, mortal, before my fiery hearth?
Let the heat overcome you, with its’ fierce warmth.
The intoxication of the night gives birth to ecstasy,
When we do let go of ourselves and behold infinity!
Break the chains that bind you to the modern mores,
That seek always to enslave free souls by the scores.”
Hidden in the great hall, beneath the circular dome,
A portrait of me from another age of flesh and bone!
My eyes starting eternally, seeing yet without blood,
For a painting never has life: or any emotional flood.
My small mouth smiles, but it is cruel without mirth...
Judging harshly these lost halls, beyond: their worth.
The blue of my living eyes meet the painting’s stare,
As I laugh at the worthlessness of it, without a care.
My flesh is the same as it was in the ancient period,
Except that today I am living, back then I was dead.
My name has changed, but my soul remains as then,
I have risen before from desire, and I will rise again!
Hell will not take me, and I am rejected from above,
All because of my passions and also because of love.
And so in my castle, I plan my return to a lost glory,
Whilst folks tell tales: in remembrance, of my story.
Who was the author, of those myths, if not I myself?
I: who have walked, for thousands of years passing.
How I saw Atlantis sink, and books fall from shelf…
Whilst ancient libraries proved not to be everlasting!
“Do you fear to live, human, and so look unto doom?
My eyes are looking back at yours inside the gloom.
Do you fear to laugh, human, and so sorrow pours?
Let yourself be empty of woe, and free of all chores.
Return to the earth and love nature’s fair abundance,
Pick flowers and dance with all of joy’s exuberance!
Life is too short to waste in torment and dire misery,
Embrace the glory of the land, to see man’s destiny.”
They look with fear in their hearts to the night skies,
Whilst crossing themselves, and recalling older lies…
Stories of the vampire, that haunts the lonely places,
But of real truth they know not, in the empty spaces.
And all spaces are empty where ignorance flourishes,
For whilst fear pierces the heart, it never encourages!
But without fear, mankind would have lost my tale…
Told around the fires, by men whose faces grew pale.
And I walked amongst them, though they never saw,
Encouraging their plummeting into Hell’s hungry maw.
For light without darkness is as worthless as any art,
That never had life and lacks the sting of pain’s dart.
For, to know why love must be cherished, so dear…
All must first understand: of loss, and pain, and fear.
And so some angels must be demons, when needed,
So that all the gardens of creation: could be weeded.
With words of flame when blazing swords oft break,
A being clad in flesh, such as I, can create harmony.
Wars can be ended, and we can learn from mistakes,
But first one must cast away their anger until empty.
“Do you fear the truth, child, for the lies once taught?
Then your parents deceived you with every thought.
Do you fear the dark, child, for the light you desire?
The light is in the darkness, true warmth: in the fire.
Beyond yourself is the true you, so like the phoenix,
Ready to rise up: like the dead, from the river Styx!
We are, all of us, reborn when we reject false ideals,
Given wings of fire, once we break all the old seals.”
A mad, fiery feeling within my ever-burning breast,
Reminds me of the passion I seek, a love that is best.
And though I have journeyed to places of torment…
My heart is not stilled, and yet rages like the torrent,
Of waves that crash upon the rockiest shores known.
And though I have seen sights none should be shown,
I emerged from the netherworld complete and whole.
Out into the night I flew swiftly, and on a wind stole,
Beyond: the dark forests of pine, and stately old oak.
Past the water of the lake, past man’s fire and smoke,
I roved and roamed seeking for one to be my bride…
But everywhere foolish peasant maidens like to hide!
If they could know the yearning that I always endure,
Would not just one fair maiden, open for me her door?
I was a prince without a princess, but that could not last.
Now I open my door, and welcome you to my repast!
If you are a maiden come to dine then sit at my table,
And let me be the wellspring from which dreams soar.
Do not wait until I am gone; partake whilst now able,
You will find what you never imagined existed before.
“Do you fear to love, girl, for the hate of this sad age?
Banish the world from your mind, let go of the rage.
Do you fear to care, girl, for the wrong once enacted?
Then come into my arms, as your heart has directed.
Let desire consume you, as old wounds heal swiftly,
I will place a crown on your head so wear it proudly!
You shall be attired with the sun, a radiant goddess,
All the stars will lie, at the train of your gilded dress.”
Ego sum Draconis, Ego sum Fatum!
Vultus intus obscurum…
Ego sum vultus tergum procul vos!
Ego sum Draculea. Exspectata ut meus domus.
I've let them in
Cause even the damned
Need an ally
I decided
I'd be a haven
And held an unholy requiem
For hellish hounds
Demonic deeds
Devious Djins
And Reviled reprobates
I gave them
A repose from there suffering
By relinquishing my hold on control
I hollowed a hole
In the heart of my soul
For the hurt and the heartbroken,
The curs and the cutthroats
Then sitting at the edge
Of terrible Tartarus
We look back at the faithful,
Trapped by their dilapidating dogma
And wonder at how they could stay so fearfully blind,
Afraid of the questions
And what they might find...
Cause even the damned
Need an ally
I decided
I'd be a haven
And held an unholy requiem
For hellish hounds
Demonic deeds
Devious Djins
And Reviled reprobates
I gave them
A repose from there suffering
By relinquishing my hold on control
I hollowed a hole
In the heart of my soul
For the hurt and the heartbroken,
The curs and the cutthroats
Then sitting at the edge
Of terrible Tartarus
We look back at the faithful,
Trapped by their dilapidating dogma
And wonder at how they could stay so fearfully blind,
Afraid of the questions
And what they might find...
Velvety Darkness
How did you get here you ask as your mind races, heart pounds
It was poetry that was the bait, the lure that hooked you
Dark, sadistic poems by a mysterious man that you've never met
Elegant words full of pain and pleasure that seduced you
Brought you here, to his liar, his playroom
Flying across the country to do more than just read the words, fantasize
Straight from the airport, kisses on the cheeks to this
lying naked and vulnerable, thumb cuffs and toe cuffs
Duct taped lips and earplugged silence, a black velvet hood over your head
Prone on satin sheets and soft overstuffed pillows
All you can hear is your own heart beat fast and strong
Swirling blackness your vision as fantasy unfolds
But what is most surreal is how he made time itself vanish
For you don't know when you were bound and how long you've been his captive
Before the hooding you looked around his dungeon
Eyeing the many toys, devices, and implements
Unable to escape you are now trapped within your mind
Playing out endless possibilities and anticipating the cavalcade of sensations
Not really knowing how all this will feel, a virgin when it comes to all this sensual danger
Now bound and helpless on the alter of Sade, the colonel's latest sacrifice
And then you feel it, an almost whisper of a touch
Soft mink caressing over your shoulder, your breasts
With the other senses denied, the sensation is amplified a thousand fold
Your body shudders and quivers with delight
Fear is surplanted by lust and desire, your body reacts
Then the smart sting of the riding crop ... and so your lesson begins
How did you get here you ask as your mind races, heart pounds
It was poetry that was the bait, the lure that hooked you
Dark, sadistic poems by a mysterious man that you've never met
Elegant words full of pain and pleasure that seduced you
Brought you here, to his liar, his playroom
Flying across the country to do more than just read the words, fantasize
Straight from the airport, kisses on the cheeks to this
lying naked and vulnerable, thumb cuffs and toe cuffs
Duct taped lips and earplugged silence, a black velvet hood over your head
Prone on satin sheets and soft overstuffed pillows
All you can hear is your own heart beat fast and strong
Swirling blackness your vision as fantasy unfolds
But what is most surreal is how he made time itself vanish
For you don't know when you were bound and how long you've been his captive
Before the hooding you looked around his dungeon
Eyeing the many toys, devices, and implements
Unable to escape you are now trapped within your mind
Playing out endless possibilities and anticipating the cavalcade of sensations
Not really knowing how all this will feel, a virgin when it comes to all this sensual danger
Now bound and helpless on the alter of Sade, the colonel's latest sacrifice
And then you feel it, an almost whisper of a touch
Soft mink caressing over your shoulder, your breasts
With the other senses denied, the sensation is amplified a thousand fold
Your body shudders and quivers with delight
Fear is surplanted by lust and desire, your body reacts
Then the smart sting of the riding crop ... and so your lesson begins
You've long been gone,
I stand alone,
Without you, scared but free.
Still, like fire,
You burn through my soul,
A demon inside of me.
Sometimes, I get ANGRY,
For no good reason,
Your fury runs through my blood.
I'm so blinded by hate,
And disgust and remorse,
I can hurt the people I love.
Your silver-quick tongue,
That stings and impales,
I catch with myself in my mouth.
I can spew venom now,
Words full of rage,
That secretly shadow my doubt.
Your wild eyes,
Sometimes cover my own,
So through your old lenses I see.
Your smell's on my hair,
And my stain's on your skin,
So I can hardly identify me.
So stay away monster,
Of beauty and force,
I won't be taken for granted.
Little do you know,
As you sped right through life,
I carry the seed you planted.
I stand alone,
Without you, scared but free.
Still, like fire,
You burn through my soul,
A demon inside of me.
Sometimes, I get ANGRY,
For no good reason,
Your fury runs through my blood.
I'm so blinded by hate,
And disgust and remorse,
I can hurt the people I love.
Your silver-quick tongue,
That stings and impales,
I catch with myself in my mouth.
I can spew venom now,
Words full of rage,
That secretly shadow my doubt.
Your wild eyes,
Sometimes cover my own,
So through your old lenses I see.
Your smell's on my hair,
And my stain's on your skin,
So I can hardly identify me.
So stay away monster,
Of beauty and force,
I won't be taken for granted.
Little do you know,
As you sped right through life,
I carry the seed you planted.
