deepundergroundpoetry.com
Irrelevant Fish
Below the sheer shimmers are the irrelevant fish, tiny darts in black.
Above, coffee amblers shake off pastry crumbs and bold sparrows.
She comes dressed in plump patterned skirts, dappled sorrels and creams;
a shuffle, hip jostled, on the flattest of angled rocks framing the pier.
Two tawnies appear, slink purring amid dry piles of careful vittles,
tails allongé. She is still, a sanguine center for feline pirouettes.
Grey mountains hold court, throned in stone, over unrolled indigo,
while the young worship Eros with sun-filled bench kisses.
The boats, the blue, the bay, the view... celebrated in high resolution.
The dancers and her grace are disguised as inconsequential.
Published 25th Mar 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 4
comments 21
reads 1363
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Mar 2014 8:30pm
26th Mar 2014 5:48am
Thank you, Magdalena, for honouring me with a list add.
I'm pleased you can see the view...
I'm pleased you can see the view...
25th Mar 2014 8:35pm
such beautiful imagery so soothing to the soul! great write Atakti with love Crim :)
26th Mar 2014 5:49am
25th Mar 2014 8:58pm
Feels like the Amalfi Coast - with all attendant pretensions captured and revealed by the mountain's splendour - an intriguing post card
26th Mar 2014 5:51am
It is the Med... the sapphire in Europe's crown. Now THAT statement may have been pretentious...
;)
;)
25th Mar 2014 9:00pm
Atakti, this is such a strong poem, told by an observer that speaks of calm and subtle imagery with such intricate beauty.
I really like the structure, the long lines allows the reader to linger, breathe in the scene around the observer. And the image of the in the 1st stanza with "coffee amblers shake off pastry crumbs and bold sparrows", that was a very nice way to kickoff the poem... it made me smile. Great stuff!
I really like the structure, the long lines allows the reader to linger, breathe in the scene around the observer. And the image of the in the 1st stanza with "coffee amblers shake off pastry crumbs and bold sparrows", that was a very nice way to kickoff the poem... it made me smile. Great stuff!
26th Mar 2014 5:54am
Thank you kindly, Case. I'm glad you noticed the structure, it was a deliberate change of style... looks like it paid off.
Well, coffee and pastry is always a good start, ha.
Cheers.
Well, coffee and pastry is always a good start, ha.
Cheers.
26th Mar 2014 00:55am
26th Mar 2014 5:55am
26th Mar 2014 2:15am
it's a wonderful way to spend a warm afternoon. I picture a waterfront cafe', a day w/o pretensions...
26th Mar 2014 5:56am
so lucid in
each moment
so lucid in
the deep
so lucid in
the subtleties
of everything
you sense
and see
such exquisite
ecstasies
in every little
fleeting
evanescent thing
so wondrous are
the facets cut
in every
jewel like
line you write
worded languaged
so unique
more wondrous yet
the play of
light
reflected from
the tales
they speak
so raw
and rare
so pure
and honest
so bold and
unafraid
to bleed
or free
through what
ascension
of perception
has such a
consistent
gift of write
come to be
in thee
i am baffled
and bedazzled
by nearly every
line i read
of pieces many
such as this
which cuts
from me this
free release
of jewel like
ecstasies heard
in every
scalpel cut
letter sliced
word expressed
until the whole
of it is
done
from whence
the thrilling
clever bliss
of only sweet
mystery flows
forthright from
the silent page
into something
so eagle eyed
crisp and lush
so strangely
beautiful
and intriguingly
deep
that it pulls
through the eyes
and the senses
through the nerves
and the brain
left defenseless
till it begs
from the heart
and gut
for its lushness
to be read
and heard
and felt
more slowly
more deeply
again
and again
until its
ripe essence
is fully
absorbed
and my need
to understand
is fully
absolved
................
*** Truly wonderful write Atakti!!!... I was going to (& initially intended to) simply say that, but with a few more words of course, only something happened, spontaneously in the moment, the second I began to type, which I knew was coming solely from the lingering resonance of your poem, whose collective vibrations were still humming rapidly through my bones & from all that, as my first thought/impression came to mind, I simply went with it & trusted the inner feeling that I could just let it freely run & feel-speak itself out (knowing that if it got too out of control or too far off-track, I could always go back & just delete it!), but I didn't until it found it's own place to end & so what, to my surprise (& startled relief!)resulted, I decided I'd just let it be & post it as my immediate, honest comment (mirrored impression)to you about your poem here... A little un-orthodox I s'pose, but who in this broad tribe of us all here isn't to some degree, more or less?!!!?...
The reason I mentioned my "startled relief", is because for over 9 months now (for whatever mysterious, unfathomable reasons?), my creative muse & the poetry, which has consistently poured itself & at times, even 'forced' it's way out of me, ever since I was a teenager in high school(over 46 years ago now!), suddenly came to a screeching halt & over the past 9 months, nothing has arisen on it's own from up out of me, as it always had for so many years, beyond my desire & control & I have only been able to pen maybe three or four new poems (out of utter frustration, worry & fear, that my 'old friend' & lifetime companion, had somehow inwardly died, or abandoned me altogether as perhaps a no longer sufficient vessel(!!!?!!!), but even they were consciously forced, only by 'ME' this time & of course, they just didn't work at all; completely flat & obviously void of any muse-like depth or flow!!! So I have been somewhat distraught & noticeably a bit down for all these many months, due to this significant absence in my life, which was even more deeply compounded, by the additional profound grief of losing my beloved, sole (& 'soul') companion, 13 & 1/2 year old, Manx Cat 'Raven' this past December!!! That is until tonight, when I read your new poem here, 'Irrelevent Fish' & I immediately felt a need & desire to express how much I enjoyed & was moved by it in some presently incommunicable, yet powerfully 'RELEVANT' way, but to my surprise & initial uncertainty at just where the hell my stream of conscious thoughts might be going (?!!!?), when it finally finished draining itself all out, I somehow sensed, felt & knew (without even proof-reading it... still yet!), that perhaps my old friend & lifetime companion (my so called muse), had finally returned home to me at long last!!!... & So that is why I presently prefer to think of the title of your great little poem here as 'RELEVANT FISH' & I want to sincerely thank you for creating ('releasing!') & posting it here on DUP to share with all ATAKTI & because it truly was the instrumental, inspirational catalyst, which I believe (& 'HOPE!?!') might have miraculously resurrected (or resuscitated!?!) my old, too long A.W.O.L., worn-out, world-wearied, vagabond muse!!!...
- OIN
* "AS THE SPIRIT WANES
THE FORM APPEARS"...
- Charles Bukowski
each moment
so lucid in
the deep
so lucid in
the subtleties
of everything
you sense
and see
such exquisite
ecstasies
in every little
fleeting
evanescent thing
so wondrous are
the facets cut
in every
jewel like
line you write
worded languaged
so unique
more wondrous yet
the play of
light
reflected from
the tales
they speak
so raw
and rare
so pure
and honest
so bold and
unafraid
to bleed
or free
through what
ascension
of perception
has such a
consistent
gift of write
come to be
in thee
i am baffled
and bedazzled
by nearly every
line i read
of pieces many
such as this
which cuts
from me this
free release
of jewel like
ecstasies heard
in every
scalpel cut
letter sliced
word expressed
until the whole
of it is
done
from whence
the thrilling
clever bliss
of only sweet
mystery flows
forthright from
the silent page
into something
so eagle eyed
crisp and lush
so strangely
beautiful
and intriguingly
deep
that it pulls
through the eyes
and the senses
through the nerves
and the brain
left defenseless
till it begs
from the heart
and gut
for its lushness
to be read
and heard
and felt
more slowly
more deeply
again
and again
until its
ripe essence
is fully
absorbed
and my need
to understand
is fully
absolved
................
*** Truly wonderful write Atakti!!!... I was going to (& initially intended to) simply say that, but with a few more words of course, only something happened, spontaneously in the moment, the second I began to type, which I knew was coming solely from the lingering resonance of your poem, whose collective vibrations were still humming rapidly through my bones & from all that, as my first thought/impression came to mind, I simply went with it & trusted the inner feeling that I could just let it freely run & feel-speak itself out (knowing that if it got too out of control or too far off-track, I could always go back & just delete it!), but I didn't until it found it's own place to end & so what, to my surprise (& startled relief!)resulted, I decided I'd just let it be & post it as my immediate, honest comment (mirrored impression)to you about your poem here... A little un-orthodox I s'pose, but who in this broad tribe of us all here isn't to some degree, more or less?!!!?...
The reason I mentioned my "startled relief", is because for over 9 months now (for whatever mysterious, unfathomable reasons?), my creative muse & the poetry, which has consistently poured itself & at times, even 'forced' it's way out of me, ever since I was a teenager in high school(over 46 years ago now!), suddenly came to a screeching halt & over the past 9 months, nothing has arisen on it's own from up out of me, as it always had for so many years, beyond my desire & control & I have only been able to pen maybe three or four new poems (out of utter frustration, worry & fear, that my 'old friend' & lifetime companion, had somehow inwardly died, or abandoned me altogether as perhaps a no longer sufficient vessel(!!!?!!!), but even they were consciously forced, only by 'ME' this time & of course, they just didn't work at all; completely flat & obviously void of any muse-like depth or flow!!! So I have been somewhat distraught & noticeably a bit down for all these many months, due to this significant absence in my life, which was even more deeply compounded, by the additional profound grief of losing my beloved, sole (& 'soul') companion, 13 & 1/2 year old, Manx Cat 'Raven' this past December!!! That is until tonight, when I read your new poem here, 'Irrelevent Fish' & I immediately felt a need & desire to express how much I enjoyed & was moved by it in some presently incommunicable, yet powerfully 'RELEVANT' way, but to my surprise & initial uncertainty at just where the hell my stream of conscious thoughts might be going (?!!!?), when it finally finished draining itself all out, I somehow sensed, felt & knew (without even proof-reading it... still yet!), that perhaps my old friend & lifetime companion (my so called muse), had finally returned home to me at long last!!!... & So that is why I presently prefer to think of the title of your great little poem here as 'RELEVANT FISH' & I want to sincerely thank you for creating ('releasing!') & posting it here on DUP to share with all ATAKTI & because it truly was the instrumental, inspirational catalyst, which I believe (& 'HOPE!?!') might have miraculously resurrected (or resuscitated!?!) my old, too long A.W.O.L., worn-out, world-wearied, vagabond muse!!!...
- OIN
* "AS THE SPIRIT WANES
THE FORM APPEARS"...
- Charles Bukowski
27th Mar 2014 9:40am
Sorry for 'more' from me here Atakti, esp. right after that absolutely monstrous, avalanche of overly verbose GLUT (which I just so embarrassingly ate up at least two feet of your comments section space with, up above here!!!), but this is only a pressing, yet 'BRIEF' (for 'me'...this time!) afterthought here...
Speaking of 'Pretentiousness', do you think it would be 'TOO MUCH SO', If I dare submit & post the narrow, run-on, unexpected, spontaneous poem, that I just wrote to you (in response to & inspired by your wonderful new poem, 'Irrelevant Fish'), in your comment box above, onto DUP here as a new poem by me, since(as I explained before)it's the first & only inspired poem I've written in many months now, or would that possibly be considered (not only 'pretentious') but something akin to 'Double Dipping' by other DUP members here?...
Speaking of 'Pretentiousness', do you think it would be 'TOO MUCH SO', If I dare submit & post the narrow, run-on, unexpected, spontaneous poem, that I just wrote to you (in response to & inspired by your wonderful new poem, 'Irrelevant Fish'), in your comment box above, onto DUP here as a new poem by me, since(as I explained before)it's the first & only inspired poem I've written in many months now, or would that possibly be considered (not only 'pretentious') but something akin to 'Double Dipping' by other DUP members here?...
27th Mar 2014 5:50pm
Don't think twice about it, OIN, of course you must post! Such a lovely outpouring it is too. I think not only has the muse returned, but seems very happy to be back.
I am honored you would think it was my poem, and I thank you for saying so. However, any grace or beauty you see are actually found within your willingness to see and embrace them.
I am sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a furry friend also. Perhaps the two happy tawnies in the poem reminded you of happier times, and if so, I'm glad.
Now all you need is a title!
:)
I am honored you would think it was my poem, and I thank you for saying so. However, any grace or beauty you see are actually found within your willingness to see and embrace them.
I am sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a furry friend also. Perhaps the two happy tawnies in the poem reminded you of happier times, and if so, I'm glad.
Now all you need is a title!
:)
28th Mar 2014 8:15am
Thanks A., for your gracious comments & encouragement, I will go ahead & submit it now & not feel so awkward about it!... Right after posting my last comments to you last night, I had to give the new poem a file title name when I saved it's copy & pasted text on a new text document, so I just titled it the first thing that came to mind, which was 'Resurrection', which came up almost as suddenly & effortlessly as the poem did itself!...
~ OIN
~ OIN
30th Mar 2014 7:01pm
1st Apr 2014 10:34pm
12th Apr 2014 2:49pm
I must admit... I would like to sit down with you on an afternoon and have some sips of "mate" while we fix the world with my bad poetry and your excellent imagination when I read your lines...
12th Apr 2014 4:13pm
The "mate" sounds very interesting... Maybe we'll fix things by making everyone drink it.
Thank you for your kind words, so pleased you like my scribblings!
Thank you for your kind words, so pleased you like my scribblings!
7th Dec 2015 4:01pm
The boats, the blue, the bay, the view... celebrated in high resolution.
This imagery rolled off the mind like sequential shooting that didn't want to miss a second.
The fish & felines - not all that glisters is gold.
This imagery rolled off the mind like sequential shooting that didn't want to miss a second.
The fish & felines - not all that glisters is gold.
