deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Dreamsand Exhibit
Once, in a dream
I was a real human being
A person, not a thing
No more struggle to be free
Something simpler: a reaction in effect
An artistic expression of everything that's come before
But then I fell short
Somewhere along the way
all the lines that were drawn cut me into pieces
Segmented.
Fragmented.
Cemented into place.
A disgrace to the way I was meant to be
Or so I think
and want so badly to believe
It's been too long and I've lost touch
With that sense of familiarity that speaks for itself
when no one is really there
Not separated from the environment
and not just a prop in the scene
(something to dress up the set)
but an actor in a play they've written for themselves
Where all loose ends are tied up tight
Where all the laughs are real
Where all the friendships weather the storms of drama and tragedy
and sail forever into the calm, pastel sunset
And where waking... doesn't mean a thing
I was a real human being
A person, not a thing
No more struggle to be free
Something simpler: a reaction in effect
An artistic expression of everything that's come before
But then I fell short
Somewhere along the way
all the lines that were drawn cut me into pieces
Segmented.
Fragmented.
Cemented into place.
A disgrace to the way I was meant to be
Or so I think
and want so badly to believe
It's been too long and I've lost touch
With that sense of familiarity that speaks for itself
when no one is really there
Not separated from the environment
and not just a prop in the scene
(something to dress up the set)
but an actor in a play they've written for themselves
Where all loose ends are tied up tight
Where all the laughs are real
Where all the friendships weather the storms of drama and tragedy
and sail forever into the calm, pastel sunset
And where waking... doesn't mean a thing
Published 27th Sep 2010
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
27th Sep 2010 1:40pm
The final line is very insightful. I desire no emotion upon waking up, just a calm acceptance of the day. I don't think you needed the dash between "friend" and "ships"; it makes the metaphor seem rather corny, and gives the impression that you don't trust in the intelligence of your audience. Other than that, though, this is wonderful, with a tight, considered structure, and crisp, effective lines. This reads more like a song than a poem.
23rd May 2012 1:45pm
I'll take your suggestion and remove the hyphen. It was more because I wasn't sure of the metaphor than doubting the intelligence of the readers. Thanks for the comment, Jack. Glad you enjoyed it.
