COMPENSATION ENOUGH  (original - true - version)

                     
it seems                  
to me                        
the waves                    
in this gulf                        
have intimately                
touched                
sweetly caressed                  
and sensuously                
loved                    
my body        
mind and being      
my flesh    
my heart    
spirit and soul                   
more passionately                    
at times                        
than any          
human lover    
i have ever    
had or known               
ever has                        
so why                    
do i still feel                        
such a strong                    
need                        
for my fill                    
of that other                        
at times                    
as well                        
after so many                    
years                    
here alone                        
at play                    
by myself                      
with this                    
living sea                        
when                  
the sensuous                    
touch                          
of warmth                    
wet and wind                        
seems                    
to almost satisfy                        
my human skin                    
enough                        
as the sun s                 
loving touch                         
cooks me                    
so slowly                    
by degrees                      
sautéing me                    
in my senses                        
until i fully                    
surrender                        
all my                    
inner defenses                        
allowing myself                    
to be                        
consumed                    
so completely by                    
the elegant                    
intimacy                        
of such days                    
as this
day today                 
though still                    
at times                          
like now                    
it somehow seems                         
to me                    
to not quite                    
nearly be                        
compensation enough                        
for this other              
lonesome lack                        
of my                    
too often                    
neglected need                        
to simply                    
be touched                    
and held                        
to feel                    
be felt                    
and filled                        
oh so deeply                    
again                        
with that other                    
vital warmth                        
to let go                    
of all my                    
outer                        
and all my                    
inner defenses                        
so i can                    
surrender                    
more fully                        
allowing myself                    
to be consumed                      
more completely                    
by that other            
natural form            
and expression            
of human                   
love                        
shared through                    
raw                    
hot intimacy                        
with some other                    
kindred man                    
somewhere                            
out there                  
in this                    
great big world                
who s  still            
similarly              
experiencing              
this same      
prolonged      
deep longing      
inner and outer      
lack      
of true  natural  basic  
essential      
physical touch and spark      
of mutually felt and shared      
prolonged healing      
human hearts     
and living love      
in our lives    
to come and replace      
our individual      
presently endured      
far too long prolonged      
sad  empty  hollow      
current  ongoing state      
of our long chronic
now rapidly nearing
global pandemic  
seemingly never ending      
human intimacy
deficiency syndrome      
leaving us perpetually      
trying our best      
to live and thrive      
but only partially succeeding      
for our hearts      
are running on empty      
for months      
and years      
and years at a time      
which leaves me      
here now      
to only further wonder      
however much longer      
will or must      
i and we      
whoever he is
or might possibly      
be      
to make us
that we together
somewhere      
out there      
in this vast      
wide world      
of now over      
seven billion other      
living human souls  
in which others  
like me  
living out  
our perpetually lonesome lives  
mostly by ourselves  
without any lasting  
more meaningfully  
nurturing family  friends  
or healthier  more personal  
unconditionally loving  accepting  
intimate relationships  
nor significant others
of any kind
to share our live s journeys with
but for others like me
out there in this world
from the look of the way things
are going these days
in relation to our present
live s journeys through
these times
it s increasingly feeling
more and more to me
especially here tonight
that our not fitting in
our not finding true love
and our persistent sense
of intractable loneliness
may very well be
our predestined  ongoing fate
right up till the very end
if there even is one
wherein perhaps we all
or maybe just some of us
must continue to suffer      
and silently endure      
this disconnected      
lonely absence        
of this most vitally important      
basic human need      
in our lives
of simple  primal
human touch
and love
which unfortunately
only
leaves me
and others  
like me
without those
basic needs
fulfilled
even further
distanced
socially
disconnected
left behind
to somehow try
fulfilling
them all
within ourselves
all by ourselves          
alone
which i d like to
think and believe
at least
surely must be due
to some unknown
perhaps divine
higher  more
meaningful
reason
still presently
alas
beyond
my current
need
to know