Falling Out

I woke up on the mattress that lays on the floor of the section of the laundry room blocked off with sheets that serves as my "room."

Its still wet from two days ago when the washing machines hose came loose and flooded the basement.

I fell out last night in Arvada, at the King Soopers Alicia informs me when she woke up. "Right in the store too," she said with a semi amused look on her face.

What a sight that must have been to those yuppie fucks, a strung out speed freak at the blood pressure machine sound asleep.

I'm lucky they didnt call the cops I suppose. Guess the four days without sleep before that caught up with me.

Four days spent driving around the metro area, boosting shit to return later so we can get store credit cards that can be sold for between 50 and 70 cents one the dollar.

Here I am again, back to being 100% illegal, hustling money not only for a fix but to pay the bills that have already began to accumulate.

Mariah was right, I'll never leave this life behind, because no matter how much I hate it, theres a part of me that loves the filth and the craziness that comes with it, even losing her hasn't made me change my ways.

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We are who we are right Ruca? You said you could never see me leaving this life, and I argued it even as I tried to ignore the voice in my head that called me a liar. But you knew who I was all along, I never denied it, I was straight up from the start.

The only things i kept from you were when I started mainlining
and when I fucked that Shannon girl one night in a full blown state of amphetamine psychosis. I thought she was you or it wouldnt have happened.

I heard that you already have a new lover. Guess I was easier to forget than you thought after all. I feel for the poor fucker, because you're sharpening your knives to use on him and one day he'll have a scar just like mine, from the piece you carve out of him.