deepundergroundpoetry.com
sweating like a whore in church
She seamlessly
unites selfishness
with courtesy
forcing fallen love
to get raptured
into the epiphany
of sportfucking
gone sacred.
She comes hard
and fast
knowing which lyrics
the length and width
of a lingam
must sing
in order
to crescendo the echo
of her hallowed hall.
She conducts the choir
with rigid discipline
until the vaults of her diaphragm;
fluted in more glory
than Gothic cathedrals,
are exorcised
in the pandemonium
of relaxing every muscle
from sphincter to larynx.
Hooting in the house of opera.
The myriad of angels observing
blush as she whispers
and
by the time she speaks sentence
Armageddon is plucked
in increasingly ecstatic increments
like the Ben Wa beads
that serenade the throne of god.
unites selfishness
with courtesy
forcing fallen love
to get raptured
into the epiphany
of sportfucking
gone sacred.
She comes hard
and fast
knowing which lyrics
the length and width
of a lingam
must sing
in order
to crescendo the echo
of her hallowed hall.
She conducts the choir
with rigid discipline
until the vaults of her diaphragm;
fluted in more glory
than Gothic cathedrals,
are exorcised
in the pandemonium
of relaxing every muscle
from sphincter to larynx.
Hooting in the house of opera.
The myriad of angels observing
blush as she whispers
and
by the time she speaks sentence
Armageddon is plucked
in increasingly ecstatic increments
like the Ben Wa beads
that serenade the throne of god.
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likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 18
reads 1843
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The author encourages honest critique.
oh for fuck sake...
1st Mar 2013 12:20pm
...that is good.yeah, fair call, I'm hammered, but this is very nice...skating on the edge, dipping over, coming back...glorious.
(do you mean sphincter, not larynx (spelling?)...a small consideration)
My bet says 4 reading lists...get 'em while they're hot :-)
(do you mean sphincter, not larynx (spelling?)...a small consideration)
My bet says 4 reading lists...get 'em while they're hot :-)
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re: oh for fuck sake...
1st Mar 2013 12:53pm
Dig it Hemi, thanks...hadnt considered sphincter,was running larynx mostly because.of the sing,song, choir, music, voice box type deal....the ol balloon knot (sphincter) might give a quicker punch...and makes sense with the relaxed muscles...so sure, consider it being considered
re: re: oh for fuck sake...
1st Mar 2013 1:16pm
Re: sweating like a whore in church
Anonymous
1st Mar 2013 1:21pm
Ben wa is good jr
strider
strider
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re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
1st Mar 2013 4:58pm
Re: sweating like a whore in church
1st Mar 2013 3:09pm
I have read this 4 times now LB. This is a damn fine piece of writing, but...
It is almost coming across as two different poems
"
she seamlessly
unites selfishness
with courtesy,
forcing fallen-love
to get raptured
in the epiphany
of sport-fucking
gone sacred.
She comes hard
and fast,
knowing which lyrics
the length and width
of a lingam
must sing
to crescendo the echo
of her hallowed hall."
You seem to have shifted gears after this point. While the first section is edgy for me, hard hitting, the second half seems almost romanticized. Is this intentional ?
Don't get me wrong. This isn't a complaint per se, more an observation. This is going into my reading list. There is ten times more right with it, than wrong with it. That was the only hiccup for me. :)
It is almost coming across as two different poems
"
she seamlessly
unites selfishness
with courtesy,
forcing fallen-love
to get raptured
in the epiphany
of sport-fucking
gone sacred.
She comes hard
and fast,
knowing which lyrics
the length and width
of a lingam
must sing
to crescendo the echo
of her hallowed hall."
You seem to have shifted gears after this point. While the first section is edgy for me, hard hitting, the second half seems almost romanticized. Is this intentional ?
Don't get me wrong. This isn't a complaint per se, more an observation. This is going into my reading list. There is ten times more right with it, than wrong with it. That was the only hiccup for me. :)
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re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
1st Mar 2013 5:04pm
I can see what you mean about the shifting gears... Was hoping for a bit more transition, and subtlty of voice instead.of two contrasting ones...gonna have to think on it....geez, thanks for making me think Maggie
Re: sweating like a whore in church
2nd Mar 2013 2:33am
i see the shift in gears as well. for me it is applicable. my mood changes by the second. if i was'nt an emotional basketcase riding a mood rollercoaster through my everyday specifically reading and writin, i would prolly be bored and not even like poetry. i sense a bit of a sarcastic tone as well to certain things. ie -"hooting in the house of opera"
"the ben wa beads that serenade the throne of god"
so that being said
good ish brotha scruff..........
"the ben wa beads that serenade the throne of god"
so that being said
good ish brotha scruff..........
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re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
2nd Mar 2013 4:01am
Thanks jr...yeah I guess a bit of a shift...and spose a bit of sarcasm, but didnt want it sounding like completely different voices, which I hope its not
Re: sweating like a whore in church
same voice jus diff play........i love sarcasm and shiftin gears. no diss man...........
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Re: sweating like a whore in church
2nd Mar 2013 10:35pm
title drew me. the language of your poem gives it the feeling of a union of spirits as well as of flesh. & a magnificence of images: gothic cathedral, opera house, the holy & highest throne...
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re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
3rd Mar 2013 3:31am
Ha really couldnt think of a title, figured this worked for now...thank ya kindly
Re: sweating like a whore in church
12th Mar 2013 10:50pm
re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
13th Mar 2013 4:29am
Re: sweating like a whore in church
13th Mar 2013 00:13am
re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
13th Mar 2013 4:30am
Re: sweating like a whore in church
23rd May 2013 1:59pm
Oh this brought me to the tip..teasing me, teasing you..
thank you for this glorious read!! ;)
thank you for this glorious read!! ;)
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re: Re: sweating like a whore in church
23rd May 2013 3:02pm
Oh you are one of the "just the tip" chicks huh? ha
awesome comment, TLynn,i thank ya much!
awesome comment, TLynn,i thank ya much!