Avoiding You (Because I Care)

Avoiding your eyes,
Almost as if
To see them
Would be my demise.
I pretended not
To notice you.
I pretended to be
Talking and laughing
And distracted and,
Hopefully,
You believed me.
I don't want you to
Know that I avoid
Your gaze because
I am
Afraid.
I'm afraid of
Having to stop and
Wait for you
And speak to
You. It may seem
Stupid, but that's
The truth. That's
What's keeping me
Away from you. I'm
So convinced
I'm going to mess up
That I don't even
Try.
I just pass you
By and I
Am sorry for
That. I just don't
Want to say the
Wrong thing.
It's almost as if
I'm terrified
Of my own
Words. I don't
Want to seem so
Pathetic.
Around you,
My speech is so
Garbled and senseless.
I say the first thing
That comes to mind to
Get rid of the silence.
You look at me,
Confused. I want to
Sound like I
Usually do with
Everyone else except
You. I avoid you so you
Think that I'm normal
So you stay with me
Because I care,
I swear. I'm just
A fucking idiot.