Stealing Pens

The first time my pen was silenced
was seventh grade
someone had reported me for smokes
said I had a pack in my locker
total bullshit, locker raid time
they didn't find any smokes
what they found was a big bag of gumballs
and my five subject notebook

the notebook was my masterpiece
The Rise and Fall of The High School Elite
it was all about the so called popular people
their trials and tribulations in life
nothing good happened to any of them
took me a whole year to write
it was not finished, it was never finished
nor will it be...ever

my notebook travels to the school counselors office
apparently he thumbed through my masterpiece
and didn't like the content,
they called my mom and set up a meeting
my mom didn't think much of it
neither did I, I remember saying "get my book back"
my mom hopped into her car for that meeting.

I was busy jotting down ideas and doodling when my mom came back
she was super pissed off and she did not have my notebook......
the school counselor read my masterpiece,
he even went as far as highlighting certain lines and words
he read those out loud to my mom and the principle
he told my mom something was wrong with me
no one at my age should be writing like that

she tried to defend me telling them we are a creative family
she is an artist my sister is an artist and I write,
she told them I only read Christopher Pike and R.L.Stein
Stephan King and Dean Koontz, and how for my birthday
I got a subscription to Gore Zone and Fangoria magazine
that I have a list on the back of my bedroom door
of every single horror movie I had ever seen
they didn't care, they were convinced I was disturbed

They proceeded to take my mom to court
my mom wasn't cooperating with the school
they wanted a mental evaluation, they wanted me committed
they were trying to take my moms parental rights away
because she refused to put me in the hospital
a lawyer told my mom to do it, show the school nothing is wrong
so.....I ended up in a place called Carlyle Center

upon entering the facility I was immediately searched
and given a bed in a room with some other girl
they came right away and took blood
then the interview process began
they were asking me if I knew why I was there
and if I planned on hurting myself or others
I said no but I wanted to say yes out of shear anger
they had some weird test for me every freaking day
my favorite one was where they showed you a picture of a scene
and you had to make up a story for what was happening
in the picture, two weeks of simpleton bullshit

in all honesty, I liked the place it was a mini vacation
from school, it was all day art and being creative
we even had music therapy!! when my two week stint was up
they told my mom and the school
that I was a hormonal bitch with a bad attitude
nothing mentally wrong just a regular teenage douche bag
with a big mouth that was it.

I went to a new school after that, I never got my notebook back
I was scared to write what I wanted to write
it caused my family a lot of heartache and I had been judged
by a story.....
I stopped writing my stories for a long time
afraid of scaring people I didn't want people thinking
I was a psycho...I love blood and guts and a good scary story
who cares about the  beautiful rose garden
I want to know what is buried beneath it and how it got there
I like the darker side of my creativity but it was stifled
by opinions, even today I'm afraid to write the way I want
because it is obvious some people cant handle it.

you broke my pencil
I wrote with the nub
you burned my book
I made ink out of ash
you crumbled my paper
I wrote on the wall
you took my pen
now I use you're blood to tell my story
you're finger is the pen I push across the page
you're hair, my bookmark
you're bones made into my favorite writing chair
you're skin, the leather that will bind my book
you're eyes will be the first to glimpse what I have written
like they were the first to read my 7th grade masterpiece
I never expected the counselor to steal my art
he never expected I would come back and rip him apart




maybe he was right about me.....perhaps I am a tad bit disturbed








Dedicated To Mr.W the school counselor :)