deepundergroundpoetry.com
Upon a Marble
There's a black window behind the sky
reflecting the colourless room.
There are a million marbles in disarray
waiting to collide, to be re-rounded
and we smile on fragments of broken chunks
ignoring the screech of a grieving eagle.
When the sun flings its shadow
into the pits of our quaking chests
we too will briefly mourn and bawl
before we chute down the gullet
of a silent eagle, nesting on a high ledge
as it weighs the trees that still
stand with a new dance to an archaic wind
and decadence is a blue, blue sky
leaning on an indigo sea.
Published 19th Dec 2012
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likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Dec 2012 11:50am
I like this, and though I know not what it means, your wording makes me feel as if I'm outside listening to the wind sweep through the tall pines. An owl hoots. Thank you
19th Dec 2012 10:29pm
19th Dec 2012 12:17pm
There's a black window behind the sky
reflecting the colourless room.
[a marvelous start. a very strange and
desolate image in the very first line
and it takes on from there. it's a very
strong and effective image. love it.]
There are a million marbles in disarray
waiting to collide, to be re-rounded
[a notch. love the choice of words, especially
'disarray'. perfect in this context. however
was not entirely sure with re-rounded.]
and we smile on fragments of broken chunks
ignoring the screech of a grieving eagle.
[i love this image which is central to this poem. an eagle. it took me to a very strange time and place, this image. may be this poem pushed me a little deeper into cormac mccarthy.]
When the sun flings its shadow
into the pits of our quaking chests
[fling. it's spectacular. the choice of words
like i have said before. works very well.]
we too will briefly mourn and bawl
before we chute down the gullet
of a silent eagle, nesting on a high ledge
as it weighs the trees that still
stand with a new dance to an archaic wind
['chute down the gullet' is gold. timeless.
green with envy and red with awe. that makes me,
what, i don't know.]
and decadence is a blue, blue sky
leaning on an indigo sea.
[silence.]
this is probably my new favourite from you. it's an alptraum's fable. no less. i have
nothing constructive to say. it's beautiful.
thank you for the read.
respect,
sumeet
reflecting the colourless room.
[a marvelous start. a very strange and
desolate image in the very first line
and it takes on from there. it's a very
strong and effective image. love it.]
There are a million marbles in disarray
waiting to collide, to be re-rounded
[a notch. love the choice of words, especially
'disarray'. perfect in this context. however
was not entirely sure with re-rounded.]
and we smile on fragments of broken chunks
ignoring the screech of a grieving eagle.
[i love this image which is central to this poem. an eagle. it took me to a very strange time and place, this image. may be this poem pushed me a little deeper into cormac mccarthy.]
When the sun flings its shadow
into the pits of our quaking chests
[fling. it's spectacular. the choice of words
like i have said before. works very well.]
we too will briefly mourn and bawl
before we chute down the gullet
of a silent eagle, nesting on a high ledge
as it weighs the trees that still
stand with a new dance to an archaic wind
['chute down the gullet' is gold. timeless.
green with envy and red with awe. that makes me,
what, i don't know.]
and decadence is a blue, blue sky
leaning on an indigo sea.
[silence.]
this is probably my new favourite from you. it's an alptraum's fable. no less. i have
nothing constructive to say. it's beautiful.
thank you for the read.
respect,
sumeet
19th Dec 2012 10:31pm
19th Dec 2012 5:45pm
above/beyond 99.9% of
stuff
printed
h e r e
(not i n cluding mine)
roll'on
sirAlp
stuff
printed
h e r e
(not i n cluding mine)
roll'on
sirAlp
19th Dec 2012 10:33pm
I'm dumbfounded, gobsmacked and glad you read, Saxman.
You are right though,
definitely not including yours.
You are right though,
definitely not including yours.
19th Dec 2012 10:02pm
He's very right . above alot of stuff printed here. a black widow behind the sky.. damn, gives me a chill yet gives me a seat in the room to watch.
19th Dec 2012 10:35pm
