Stay Back, Or the Goose Gets It

Woo me welly-- snap the caps
in over the canines, and grind
away, as the liver becomes
engorged and swollen upon
this infection of a most
exquisite grewl

Your chef tonight shall be
Lord Moses Grammargood--
author the best selling
cook book;
"Home Style Cooking:
Just like Grandma
Used To Make"
Available where only
the most exquisite books
are sold.

Hey Vato,
do you even see
this guy's lips move
when he tastes
all that recycled shit
from Mother Goose?
Pinche' tu madre,
that puta would
have been plucked
and cooked in my
old neighborhood."

"Fuck the noise,
a brother has
to get something to eat
that don't get caught
up in your teeth.
That shit gives
you cavities Essa."

"How To Become
the Great American Novelist,"
by someone who isn't.
Yeah baby, I could see
how this could work out.
I think I can find a better
ending down at the massage parlor."

"Better? Or maybe just
kind of the same.
I mean, I know somebody
is jacking somebody off here.
I feel a little dirty,
like maybe I need a shower or something.
I feel like I am auditioning
to become this guy's secretary.
Adverbs are like
dirty words Amigo. They won't
get you laid, but you still
just might get your face slapped...

The great what?"

"Gatsby."

"Oh yeah, now we're talking.
My ol' boy just himself a new gat"...

"No Partner. That is
the book that every kid
is forced to read
until their eyeballs bleed.
It's kind of like
Jersey Shore with
really good grammar."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, you'll pretty much
the way that you feel
after you are done reading
it as well."

"Joyce Kilmer?...
Was that like one of lesser
talented members of
Destiny's Child or something."

"Sorry to disappoint
you here Partner,
but that's actually
a male poet.
You know, If I should
ever see,
a poem as lovely...
blah-blah-blah."

"I might be new here,
but what the fuck?"

"You recall mentioning
Mother Goose?
I think they're related."

"I think I might need
to borrow my buddy's gat
before this is over."

"Check this out...

If I should ever read
a poem not so lovely as Kilmer's Trees.

I shall do my best Lizzie Borden act
and give that fucker forty-whacks.

And lay my axe down, until I got a twitch
Skipping down a road less traveled-- Frost! You're next bitch!"

"Heh-he, I prefer a dirty limerick
but not bad... I mean,
it came from the heart, right?"

"Somewhere deeper south
seems a more likely suspect."

**Breaking with my usual of not explaining my writes, this one was inspired not so much by those individuals cited as those that would like me to pay them money to teach me how to write like the individuals referenced above. It is not meant to insult those who have read, and enjoyed, said works (which for me personally, only has parallels in modern torture techniques)-- but uh, if anyone can recommend a really good spam filter, I am certain that I could make good use of it.**

Uley