This Bastard Heart of Mine

The days and nights he haunts my heart
anger me the most
I'm doing my damnedest to forget him
nothing works

even knowing everything was a lie
something in me holds on
to an idea, not even a realistic one
there is a thought that destiny was changed

a beautiful monster with piercing eyes
fairy tale shit with a horror movie ending
love, perhaps lust in its most primal form
whatever it is it lingers and looms over me still

his energy is something I crave
it tickled my soul
even in his darkest moments I wanted him
I wanted to feel him

his aura walks through my dreams
we were electric
the current still runs through me
I feel him everywhere

this is a huge problem
he is imprinted upon me
was he my soul mate or just a karmic connection
a high magnetism leads me to believe the latter

I want to have a boxing match with my heart
knocking it out killing the thoughts before they manifest
this boohooing is getting old
its bumming me out

seriously why is my heart romanticizing the bullshit
my brain plays back the betrayal, anger consumes me
pushing him out for now
he'll be back though

my heart has his memories anchored
leaving scars
which refuse to heal
times band-aid has been ripped off this bastard heart of mine