deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ashes and Tears
exercising my right not to give a fuck
I walked away quickly
yes, I heard you screaming my name
and yes I kept walking
I did look back
I saw your hands on your face
I saw you wipe away tears
I got in my car
and I smiled
finally your the one to cry
to feel the burn
to want something so bad
yet, you cant have it
I drove away laughing
yeah that was my middle finger I was waving
as I did a reverse 180
bet you liked that :)
I'm pretty sure I laughed all the way home
remember the burn you were feeling as I drove off
well if not,
perhaps the cremated remains of your belongings
will help you relive that feeling all over again
what comes around goes around
and if its flammable..... it BURNS
I walked away quickly
yes, I heard you screaming my name
and yes I kept walking
I did look back
I saw your hands on your face
I saw you wipe away tears
I got in my car
and I smiled
finally your the one to cry
to feel the burn
to want something so bad
yet, you cant have it
I drove away laughing
yeah that was my middle finger I was waving
as I did a reverse 180
bet you liked that :)
I'm pretty sure I laughed all the way home
remember the burn you were feeling as I drove off
well if not,
perhaps the cremated remains of your belongings
will help you relive that feeling all over again
what comes around goes around
and if its flammable..... it BURNS
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Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 5:12pm
Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 5:26pm
Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 5:59pm
The first line in this is brilliant. I'm envious I didn't come up with it haha
0
re: Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 6:12pm
Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 6:02pm
A little editing possibly needed, I feel you could do without so many stanzas.
0
re: Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 6:13pm
Re: Ashes and Tears
23rd Nov 2012 9:00pm
I love this!
Nikkie You are amazing!
Fire
P.S. I'd hate to be on your bad side girl!
Nikkie You are amazing!
Fire
P.S. I'd hate to be on your bad side girl!
0
Re: Ashes and Tears
24th Nov 2012 2:39am
I`m sorry,
but you absolutely NEED more stanzas , waaaaay more f-ing stanzas,
like a stanza per word --- no --- better yet ---
a stanza per-letter AND punctuation mark.
you need a stanza for everyone of those frikkin
dots after "flammable"
like this:
.
.
.
.
.
PS -- you are my hero -- I wish I could turn
my feelings into action : > )
but you absolutely NEED more stanzas , waaaaay more f-ing stanzas,
like a stanza per word --- no --- better yet ---
a stanza per-letter AND punctuation mark.
you need a stanza for everyone of those frikkin
dots after "flammable"
like this:
.
.
.
.
.
PS -- you are my hero -- I wish I could turn
my feelings into action : > )
0
re: Re: Ashes and Tears
24th Nov 2012 2:40am
Re: Ashes and Tears
25th Nov 2012 00:41am
I love it a story of revenge concisely told. I too loved the first line best as it's a right (Almost a rite) I often exercise myself.
0
Re: Ashes and Tears
26th Nov 2012 7:29am
Re: Ashes and Tears
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Dec 2012 00:36am
8th Dec 2012 00:35am
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