deepundergroundpoetry.com
This war
This War
by: Mariah
She hears the chant yet again,
All of the ugly words that make the torment begin.
She tries to block them, but they just grow stronger,
She will last-but how much longer?
On the outside her life might seem pretty,
But take a look on the inside and things really are downright shitty.
You see the monsters that torment her soul,
They are as dark and black as coal.
When she sees them she tries to run and hide.
But they see her and open wide.
That girl is now no more,
Even though she tried she could not win that war.
by: Mariah
She hears the chant yet again,
All of the ugly words that make the torment begin.
She tries to block them, but they just grow stronger,
She will last-but how much longer?
On the outside her life might seem pretty,
But take a look on the inside and things really are downright shitty.
You see the monsters that torment her soul,
They are as dark and black as coal.
When she sees them she tries to run and hide.
But they see her and open wide.
That girl is now no more,
Even though she tried she could not win that war.
Published 14th Nov 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 1
reads 671
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Jan 2013 5:57am
This poem flows relatively well and there's some good imagery in here as well. Try to cut out superfluous words like here "You see the monsters that torment her soul" this could be "You see the monsters tormenting her soul." It makes the sentence just a bit more concise. I'd recommend adding a comma to some parts of this poem, because it can be a handful to read otherwise. "You see the monsters that torment her soul,
They are as dark and black as coal." I like the part I just quoted. I like the imagery here and the use of a simile. Overall nice work
Chaos_Collector
They are as dark and black as coal." I like the part I just quoted. I like the imagery here and the use of a simile. Overall nice work
Chaos_Collector
