deepundergroundpoetry.com
Good-bye
tears trickle down
and i feel your limp, lifeless body in my arms.
I wasn't ready to let you go,
I need you,
You are my hero.
You was by me through it all.
Guiding me and helping me grow into this person.
You raised me even though i wasn't yours,
you took me in and taught me.
Your hands held mine as we walked down the street,
I only came to your waist,
I remember how little i was compared to your tall strong body.
You held me when i cried when my mom wasn't there.
You kissed my boo boo's and made them all better.
I just want you to know i miss you with every ounce of me.
And i love you till all eternity.
and i feel your limp, lifeless body in my arms.
I wasn't ready to let you go,
I need you,
You are my hero.
You was by me through it all.
Guiding me and helping me grow into this person.
You raised me even though i wasn't yours,
you took me in and taught me.
Your hands held mine as we walked down the street,
I only came to your waist,
I remember how little i was compared to your tall strong body.
You held me when i cried when my mom wasn't there.
You kissed my boo boo's and made them all better.
I just want you to know i miss you with every ounce of me.
And i love you till all eternity.
Published 14th Nov 2012
| Edited 6th Jan 2013
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5th Jan 2013 5:00pm
Very simple yet filled with emotion. The connection this person has to childhood makes the emotional connection strong.
It is somewhat vague, which I think helps in this case. What I mean is anybody would consider someone who was like a parent to be their "hero", many people could connect to the simple experience of holding a hand as a child down the street. These simple descriptions are personal yet so universal anyone could relate to this.
"how little I was compared to your tall, strong body", well this person could be a man or woman, it coulve been a short petite adult since the point of view is from a child's perspective and you love and respect this person so they seem big and strong to you. Once again this makes so anybody can relate
Judt a few spelling errors: "eturnity" should be "eternity" and the line before that "once" I know you meant "ounce"
Good job.
It is somewhat vague, which I think helps in this case. What I mean is anybody would consider someone who was like a parent to be their "hero", many people could connect to the simple experience of holding a hand as a child down the street. These simple descriptions are personal yet so universal anyone could relate to this.
"how little I was compared to your tall, strong body", well this person could be a man or woman, it coulve been a short petite adult since the point of view is from a child's perspective and you love and respect this person so they seem big and strong to you. Once again this makes so anybody can relate
Judt a few spelling errors: "eturnity" should be "eternity" and the line before that "once" I know you meant "ounce"
Good job.
6th Jan 2013 1:54am
