Halloween (Wednesday, part one)

Honestly, is it funny to you
To see me blush
At your presence
That I
Have to look away before everyone
Notices that I am
Still unbearably in
bitter love with you.
You stroke my hair
Distracting me as I am
Honestly trying to put green
Zombie makeup on my friend,
And when her mother
Isn't there, you approach me and
Wrap your warm arms around
My midsection for a brief moment.
I'm sure it pleased you
That I had to pretend to
Not want you close to me. I had
To scream... just to get you off me
You must've found it funny
(You probably did, with your sick sense of humor)
To put your arm around me as
Your mom was taking Halloween pictures
To purposely come stand next to me
And put your arm around me
So it'd look like your plastic sword
Was around my throat.
You probably found it
Terribly amusing that I could
Barely even look into your eyes
When you spoke to me
Because I was so afraid
I was so afraid to fall
For you... again.
In truth, I knew that I was in love you you
Though I tried to bottle that feeling up
And yes, it had to be,
On the cold, fall night of
Halloween that you,
Once again,
Hurt me.
You would look at me in
The car and I would have to look away
Forcefully biting my lip to keep
From screaming in agony
Because this love
Is killing me
From the inside.
I'm not supposed to
Love you anymore. In truth, I never
Was supposed to. On this day, I
Thought that this other boy
Was going to finally admit to me
That he
Liked me
On Halloween. The problem is,
It just wasn't meant to be.
And, I admit, I did bleed
But he was there
For me in a way I cannot speak.
This other boy didn't matter
Anymore because he was there for me
In a way... That makes it hard
To breath. Yet, I knew, I
Couldn't even tell a soul.
This was a hurt I'd bare
Alone.
And yes, it just had to fucking be
On the cold, fall night of a
Moonlit Halloween
Look, I know you don't love me
And you'll never understand
That with but the
Touch of your hand
I would rather be
Buried alive than to
Admit to myself
That I love you. Again.
The end.