in the psyche of my own dysfunction

Its a black and turquoise day
grey around the edges with a hint of gold
and just like the sun shining and the sound of birds chirping outside my window
its all a lie

I wonder if I am going mad
it scares me that Ive been in this place before
detached and afraid
disconnected and worried about meaningless symbols
that seem to float in the air, universal signs
to nowhere

And I need him more than ever
want him with a madness
as though hell be the hand to save me
but its not who we are, its not what we are
and so he stays away to avoid the pleasure
of watching me drown in the psyche of my own dysfunction

At the end of days all I want is to stand beside someone who knows me
it feels like it could be the end of days, the end of my days
and I know if I die, I will die alone
because in the end we all die alone, regardless of whether or not
there is a hand to hold

I dont believe in much, I dont believe in black and turquoise days that lie
and tell me its going to be okay
as I stare out the door and gaze into the unknown  
all the premonitions in the world
can't tell me what's coming
because most of it, is most likely
all in my head

© Indie Adams 2012