Three Dozen Roses

A very interesting, ponderous poem. It is very intricate in how you decided to portray the character, almost as if he's hiding himself from the world, focusing all his attention on something that could never choose not to love him.
Good job, welcome.

AlwaysCaliban

"focusing all his attention on something that could never choose not to love him." this just shows me you understand, and that's the first thing I want. Thank you!

To be quite honest Emily this needs a lot of work, the grammar is off and there is no rhythm to this piece, it does not flow, it seems very disjointed. I have never read your work before so I am not familiar with your style of writing and also I am uncertain why you have asked me to critique it, but there you have it my opinion on this piece. I do feel, if you work on it it could be very good.

Red    

I'm thankful for your honesty! I'll work on it :) I asked you because I had a feeling you'd be honest/ not go easy on me. That's what I want. thank you?

If you need more help let me know, I hope I did not come off mean. You asked for honest and so I gave honest.

I suggest you look at your poetic meter first and the number of sentences in your stanzas, ex: 1st one you five 2nd one you have five 3rd one  you have six 4th one you have four.  

Not at all :) I asked for something and you simply did it. I know numbers. They give me trouble so to me it doesn't matter. For me writing is about expressing. The math matters less to me. If it disturbs you however, I can understand. Some of my other poems are more precise, but this one is about capturing something blurry, so the poem itself is a bit blurry too.

I guess you really took this poem for a ride ;) but wow, I love the way you really connected (or so it seems) I'm so glad you liked it! At some points, it's as if you really knew what I was thinking about!

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Gypsy Red. It is uneven in its rhythm. I think some of the punctuation is in the wrong place which may lead to my impression of being disjointed (maybe commas added/moved for better pause breaks, for example). And I have to admit, I don't understand the metaphor the "three dozen roses" signifies. But thank you for asking me to comment. I hope it helps.

Thank you for the tips :) I'd rather you think on your own what they symbolize, but if you really want to know, inbox me :)

Hmm like Red, not sure why I flagged in your mind as having a worthy opinion for you, but, here goes ....

I am not as perceptive as others, with this stuff, but, like the idea that he is refusing to choose the things that  he should, for everything that he shouldn't, know that feeling all too well ... !!!

I think you should stand by your own comment of expressing how you want & like, it has to feel comfortable to you or it becomes forced in my view, the only thing that is constant in life is Change right ???

So, some of us have an in-built rhythm, others have their OWN, maybe slightly of kilter rhythm ....

Annnd as no-one else has asked ... who's in the pic ???

Hope this helps ..... Oh & yup the "Unexperienced", line, is indeed a goodie !!!!!

Anyway, you know where I am ...

Virge

I respect you agreeing with her, and you may not have guessed but it's me in the picture! The "Unexperienced" is is big issue so I love the fact it stood out to you. I usually upload pictures I take or of myself along with my poems. I know I'm "unusual" but I also like to say "I'm not unusual, you're just the usual." So that doesn't bother me, this is my fun and passion so I feel free and unlimited.

Looks like I'm invited to this party too..

I like the voice you used at first, talking about a "he" and the 3 dozen roses, which are important.

Then this stanza:

I silently wish he looks at vases
Or develop a yearn
To nurture from the depths
Because they bloomed for you

It does not fit, suddenly we have an "I" and a "you".  It might work if you explained further, but I would recommend to keep the mystery of the poem, and stick to the original interaction between "he" and the roses.

So, change that stanza, if you like my suggestion, and see where that takes the poem.

I can't change it, it's what I think of it in my head. It's there for a reason. You might like it the other way, and that's fine too. From where I see it, the last stanza is meant to crash the previous ones and give it a bit of something more personal, so you have to re-read the poem, and when you do- it's different.

so fateful it means something and i get it its a very emotional pome

Very nice. I really like the flow of this.

nice...

interesting, i guess some people aren't very acute at caring for beautiful blooming roses and too often they go to waste ;)
i liked it. mind you, it wasn't perfect in traditional structure but that's not everything, sometimes not anything, to me atleast. it had nice flow and expressed the otherwise unexpressable. keep writing you.
j

It took some time to figure it out (the emphysis on the symbolic roses was confusing w/out knowing what they represented) - but now that I *think* I've got this translated: I like it. Not sure what you're looking for? If it's approval or a blessing, you have it. Tend your gardener well.

Your comment really spoke to me! I'm grateful it made you think and that you *think* you understand :)

I like it.. it took me a couple reads to understand what the roses meant but i get it .. :)

It's great to know you went back and read it a few times :) I love that you love it :)

it is such a waste, dammit, he needs to find a vase to keep those roses alive.
Absolute poetry.  Loved it.