deepundergroundpoetry.com
Getting My Point Across
I thought about
saying things
to hurt your feelings
then I remembered you
claimed to feel nothing
so I opted
to break
your fucking face
now your bleeding
on the couch
I have
a sneaking suspicion
you felt that
perhaps its the tears
running down your face
or the fact
you keep asking me why
and how could I
maybe its how your holding
your head
either way
numb fuck
I got my point across
everyone feels something
sometime
saying things
to hurt your feelings
then I remembered you
claimed to feel nothing
so I opted
to break
your fucking face
now your bleeding
on the couch
I have
a sneaking suspicion
you felt that
perhaps its the tears
running down your face
or the fact
you keep asking me why
and how could I
maybe its how your holding
your head
either way
numb fuck
I got my point across
everyone feels something
sometime
Published 30th Oct 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 2
comments 19
reads 1192
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
30th Oct 2012 8:29pm
30th Oct 2012 8:30pm
30th Oct 2012 8:32pm
Girl.... I cracked up when I read this!
Cause this is some me shit right here LOL
I have done this before simply because the next word outa somebody's mouth is like the end all to end all......
Loved this!
Fire
Cause this is some me shit right here LOL
I have done this before simply because the next word outa somebody's mouth is like the end all to end all......
Loved this!
Fire
30th Oct 2012 8:33pm
30th Oct 2012 10:15pm
1st Nov 2012 9:29pm
31st Oct 2012 12:48pm
Indeed yes, I agree, "everyone feels something sometime," Written with passion and conviction as always. Great write:)
31st Oct 2012 1:18pm
31st Oct 2012 3:25pm
..felt *That*! You've got a way with words Nikki (ahem, and the attitude too!).
31st Oct 2012 3:28pm
31st Oct 2012 10:51pm
Thank you :)
people need to define their nothing better! otherwise they might take a chair to the face!
people need to define their nothing better! otherwise they might take a chair to the face!
1st Nov 2012 2:09am
1st Nov 2012 2:23am
5th Nov 2012 2:57pm
forget poetic license,
poetic distance
keeps the reader's nose whole
Regards
poetic distance
keeps the reader's nose whole
Regards
5th Nov 2012 3:44pm
Anonymous
26th Mar 2013 12:03pm
A few niggles:
"now your bleeding
on the couch" - I think that should be 'you're'
"maybe its how your holding
your head" - the its needs to be it's and again, needs a you're to read "you're holding your head"
"you felt that
perhaps its the tears" - needs an it's
Now - content. The first stanza is a gem. I like poems that open with such a punch. It's sinister, and gritty, so draws you in straight away. It ends with exactly the same level of verocity. In terms of achieving an angry tone, this is first class.
Thank you for the read.
"now your bleeding
on the couch" - I think that should be 'you're'
"maybe its how your holding
your head" - the its needs to be it's and again, needs a you're to read "you're holding your head"
"you felt that
perhaps its the tears" - needs an it's
Now - content. The first stanza is a gem. I like poems that open with such a punch. It's sinister, and gritty, so draws you in straight away. It ends with exactly the same level of verocity. In terms of achieving an angry tone, this is first class.
Thank you for the read.
26th Mar 2013 2:26pm
:) yeah...my spelling and grammar suck :) I'm lazy and it shows in my work :) Thanks for the insight and taking the time to read and comment I totally appreciate it, I do need to re-read a lot of my crap and fix a lot of stuff because I make the same errors time and time again..
9th Jan 2014 9:33pm
