deepundergroundpoetry.com
Numb
I hate this feeling
There’s no greater pain
I’m not a machine
I’m not a game
I can’t feel
It’s a torturous affair
If I can’t feel my heart
Is it really there?
At least with pain
Or with love
I know I’m alive
I'm well enough
Numb is painful constriction
Showing we can’t feel
I hate it
Emotions make us real
If I was meant for this life
A robotic destiny
Numb would leave
And I could be free
There’s no greater pain
I’m not a machine
I’m not a game
I can’t feel
It’s a torturous affair
If I can’t feel my heart
Is it really there?
At least with pain
Or with love
I know I’m alive
I'm well enough
Numb is painful constriction
Showing we can’t feel
I hate it
Emotions make us real
If I was meant for this life
A robotic destiny
Numb would leave
And I could be free
Published 23rd Oct 2012
| Edited 28th Oct 2012
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28th Oct 2012 3:41am
I like the longing for emotion Levi. It's a swift short write. Straight to the point.
Just a few observations. Stanzas 1 2 4 5 use a rhyme scheme. Stanza 3 disrupts the flow with the lack of rhyme scheme.
S4 L4 "Emotion's" should read "emotions" without an apostrophe.
I do likethe concept though and the message you convey.
Gemini
Just a few observations. Stanzas 1 2 4 5 use a rhyme scheme. Stanza 3 disrupts the flow with the lack of rhyme scheme.
S4 L4 "Emotion's" should read "emotions" without an apostrophe.
I do likethe concept though and the message you convey.
Gemini
28th Oct 2012 4:07am
28th Oct 2012 2:49pm
10th Oct 2013 10:44am
nice write ..
Gemini.. gave you the right feedback.. nothing much to elaborate .. its an interesting piece over all..
cyanide..
Gemini.. gave you the right feedback.. nothing much to elaborate .. its an interesting piece over all..
cyanide..
