The confines of a cave

Tried to take medication to close my eyes
My heart could not take it, quickly I realize
The pounding in my chest
Something with in could not rest

Muscles felt so stiff in the night
My body does not feel right
Putting me to the test
Drinking water and staying calm is best

Tough to fight it alone
As physically I enter a dangerous zone
I pray for life
For my family, friends and a future wife

This planet I wish not to leave
Yet it took so long to learn and believe
I'm here for a reason and a cause
As I stop writing to think and pause

My legs feel like rubber
Like a whale fin made of skin and flubber
The mind is lost at sea
What is going on with me?

Slowly this phase will go away
Sometime tomorrow which is Monday
Recovery which is hard to do
A process that is far from new

Shirtless and feeling heat
As I wonder if I should eat
I'm working tomorrow
Only 8 hours they borrow

I know I should call out
As they would complain and curse about
I'm a soldier who is always in battle
Grabbing a knife, musket and on my saddle

Few only know how this can feel
Physical and emotional suffering all too real
I blink and feel nothing
Always dealing with something

Almost morning, must get some shut eye
Yet I don't even know why I try
To write so much
About gaining, wanting then losing touch

The eyes no longer burn
Answers I often yearn
I did bench 230 today
While trying to keep another condition at bay

I'm not crippled because I refuse to stop
Climbing the mountain of life until I reach the top
Silence is just misery
Moving fast is what I like to do, just like history