deepundergroundpoetry.com
Broken
a stained glass vase
put upon a shelf
dulled from years of no sun
you could see the beauty when you looked real close and squinted your eyes just a bit
each curve was there
and it still held the fake flowers from years past
pushed it fell to pieces
feet threatened to take shards away
but one single person fought to save this vase
put it back together
sliver by sliver
then placed it where the sun would shine on it's broken frame
it still sits holding it's own flowers
glued together
ugly at times
but standing tall
Though it seems at first glance
to be perfectly whole
it's not
it's still very much broken
(Ty milkyway)
put upon a shelf
dulled from years of no sun
you could see the beauty when you looked real close and squinted your eyes just a bit
each curve was there
and it still held the fake flowers from years past
pushed it fell to pieces
feet threatened to take shards away
but one single person fought to save this vase
put it back together
sliver by sliver
then placed it where the sun would shine on it's broken frame
it still sits holding it's own flowers
glued together
ugly at times
but standing tall
Though it seems at first glance
to be perfectly whole
it's not
it's still very much broken
(Ty milkyway)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 4
comments 23
reads 1148
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Broken
Anonymous
12th Oct 2012 5:35am
wow...I love this, perfect metaphor!
Well done Gigi
Well done Gigi
1
re: Re: Broken
12th Oct 2012 5:39am
re: re: Re: Broken
Anonymous
- Edited 12th Oct 2012 6:12am
12th Oct 2012 5:53am
Instead of feeling as if alive...
since it is a "vase" in the metaphor
maybe you might try this?
"it still sits holding it's own flowers
glued together
ugly at times
but standing tall"
Though it seems at first glance
its perfectly whole
"it's not
it's still very much broken"
just a suggestion, and I would not have even thought of it till you said something...I still really like it, regardless if you change it up or not!
since it is a "vase" in the metaphor
maybe you might try this?
"it still sits holding it's own flowers
glued together
ugly at times
but standing tall"
Though it seems at first glance
its perfectly whole
"it's not
it's still very much broken"
just a suggestion, and I would not have even thought of it till you said something...I still really like it, regardless if you change it up or not!
2
re: re: re: re: Re: Broken
Anonymous
12th Oct 2012 6:29am
Awesome, your welcome ;)
1
re: Re: Broken
30th Oct 2012 5:09am
Totally thinking the same thing after I read this one. Great words. =)
0
Re: Broken
Anonymous
12th Oct 2012 6:40am
Wow...Awsome write... Its oozes poetic justice... I love that...well done.
To a reader as myself the image of a heart (slightly off colour) breaking was vivid. And the realisation that one can put it back together but the cracks and chips still exist and it remains weakened by the experience was a wonderful story and lovely reality. I do wonder about "clumsily" I feel you don't need that. I would leave it "fell to pieces" gives impact and strength. But also there may be much better more suited words for that space. Just opinion as you know, and a silly nit. Love this, you have really done well here.
Thank you for the read sweet.
Love and kisses
Al-x-
To a reader as myself the image of a heart (slightly off colour) breaking was vivid. And the realisation that one can put it back together but the cracks and chips still exist and it remains weakened by the experience was a wonderful story and lovely reality. I do wonder about "clumsily" I feel you don't need that. I would leave it "fell to pieces" gives impact and strength. But also there may be much better more suited words for that space. Just opinion as you know, and a silly nit. Love this, you have really done well here.
Thank you for the read sweet.
Love and kisses
Al-x-
0
re: Re: Broken
12th Oct 2012 6:46am
Alip you're so sweet thank you. And I worried about clumsily. I added it because I'm so clumsy but yet it doesn't fit right. I agree
Re: Broken
12th Oct 2012 8:45am
It's got a wonderful introspective type quality with good analogy.
...it still sits holding its own flowers...
I really dig this poem. Keepin' it real Miss Gigi.
...it still sits holding its own flowers...
I really dig this poem. Keepin' it real Miss Gigi.
0
Re: Broken
12th Oct 2012 9:06am
A moving piece wrapped in fragile sadness... Appearences can be deceiving, esspecially when painting over the layers of dust from too many years sitting on a shelf. But where vases stay broken, hearts are not made of Humpty Dumpty shells that cannot heal... jj
0
Re: Broken
12th Oct 2012 2:25pm
Re: Broken
12th Oct 2012 9:44pm
Re: Broken
1st Nov 2012 7:35pm
I read so many different stories between these lines. It's a fascinating write. And beautifully done.
0
Re: Broken
30th Dec 2012 12:23pm
Re: Broken
30th Dec 2012 7:31pm
re: Re: Broken
30th Dec 2012 8:20pm