deepundergroundpoetry.com
Once
I was a kid in short pants
with a jam-jar
me and my sweet tooth
counting sidewalk cracks
skipping home from school
starry-eyed for caterpillar poo
All I wanted in the world
was hawk moths
Now as I sleep
how softly the lilacs fall
my mind nowhere
attaching unimportance
to the death of a dream
already sprinkled
deeply with time's dust
with a jam-jar
me and my sweet tooth
counting sidewalk cracks
skipping home from school
starry-eyed for caterpillar poo
All I wanted in the world
was hawk moths
Now as I sleep
how softly the lilacs fall
my mind nowhere
attaching unimportance
to the death of a dream
already sprinkled
deeply with time's dust
Published 13th May 2010
| Edited 1st Aug 2021
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
14th May 2010 00:46am
The mention of "caterpillar poo" was a pleasantly bizarre touch (do such insects even defecate at all? Please forgive the stupid question), and overall this is a pleasant little whimsy, with some divine images. I especially liked the way you made the idea of attaching no importance to an old dream sound so beautifully convoluted, if that makes sense.
Anonymous
12th Apr 2011 10:39am
<< post removed >>
12th Apr 2011 2:01pm
Thanks for stopping by.
Long time since I looked at this, so I've given it a few tweaks.
Hope you approve.
Best ~ Abra
Long time since I looked at this, so I've given it a few tweaks.
Hope you approve.
Best ~ Abra
Anonymous
13th Apr 2011 4:59am
<< post removed >>
13th Apr 2011 9:47am
I think in a short poem it helps to put the brakes on sometimes.
Of course, I could look at this in a month's time and change it again!
~ A
Of course, I could look at this in a month's time and change it again!
~ A
