deepundergroundpoetry.com
Like . . . Tic . . . Has Stolen Me . . . Toc . . .
Like clockwork
my joy dissipates.
Tick . . .
Oh joyous day!
Toc . . .
Oh fuck!
The clenching in my throat
. . .
Tightening in my lungs . .
. . . .
my heart . . .
Beautiful fire
burning higher and higher
licking the roof of my mouth
and caressing my lips
leaving only charred flesh.
Like clockwork . . .
Tick . . .
I cannot
Toc . . .
without
Tick . . .
my love
Toc . . .
Always interrupting me.
My life revolves
around the ticking of the clock.
This hangs over me
begging for blood
waiting for death
waiting for me to join the herd
thousands of lost souls
crying in pain
begging for release
from depression's cruel grip.
my joy dissipates.
Tick . . .
Oh joyous day!
Toc . . .
Oh fuck!
The clenching in my throat
. . .
Tightening in my lungs . .
. . . .
my heart . . .
Beautiful fire
burning higher and higher
licking the roof of my mouth
and caressing my lips
leaving only charred flesh.
Like clockwork . . .
Tick . . .
I cannot
Toc . . .
without
Tick . . .
my love
Toc . . .
Always interrupting me.
My life revolves
around the ticking of the clock.
This hangs over me
begging for blood
waiting for death
waiting for me to join the herd
thousands of lost souls
crying in pain
begging for release
from depression's cruel grip.
Published 4th Oct 2012
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4th Oct 2012 10:33pm
Interesting poem. I really enjoyed when you use the rhythm of a clock to set the pace. I have depression and it very much feels like that, especially now that I have to take medicine.
There is sparse rhyming in it, but generally it is good to either say yes or no to it, as it is hard to mix the two. See "The Lovesong of j Alfred Prufrock," as a good example of this working.
Keep developing it. There is a lot of really good stuff her. Try to tighten it up a bit, since the work really varies in its structure.
There is sparse rhyming in it, but generally it is good to either say yes or no to it, as it is hard to mix the two. See "The Lovesong of j Alfred Prufrock," as a good example of this working.
Keep developing it. There is a lot of really good stuff her. Try to tighten it up a bit, since the work really varies in its structure.
5th Oct 2012 6:10am
Depression is rage spread thin. Great poem I liked how it had the "Poe" timming going. It was like the trials of ones own tail tail heart. I wouldn't change a thing. We write what we feel at that moment. If we change that then its not what we had in mind. I like you style. Kudos
11th Oct 2012 11:59pm
