deepundergroundpoetry.com
Simpliy musing
He crawled towards me kissed me deeply
after he made love to me with his tongue
just his beautiful hands and mouth
Cuddling me now my body still sings to feel him inside me
kissing his chest I feel him stir
hard for me
ready
grabbing his hands I lead him to the shower
the warm water spraying on us he smiles
kisses my neck inhales my scent
I'm taking control
soaping his body up
paying special attention to his cock
trailing soft kisses over his chest
I look up at him and whisper
I think about you too you know
I wonder if you're ok if you're sad
Like a lion claiming his prey he lifts me
back against the cold wall holding my hands up above my head
thrusting inside me headlong
losing ourselves in each other as the water turns cold
We climax together
over and over
slowly making our way to the bed
we fall asleep naked tangled in each others arms!
(Ps I'm annoyed and idk if it was anger or what but this is what I did instead of arguing) xoxo
after he made love to me with his tongue
just his beautiful hands and mouth
Cuddling me now my body still sings to feel him inside me
kissing his chest I feel him stir
hard for me
ready
grabbing his hands I lead him to the shower
the warm water spraying on us he smiles
kisses my neck inhales my scent
I'm taking control
soaping his body up
paying special attention to his cock
trailing soft kisses over his chest
I look up at him and whisper
I think about you too you know
I wonder if you're ok if you're sad
Like a lion claiming his prey he lifts me
back against the cold wall holding my hands up above my head
thrusting inside me headlong
losing ourselves in each other as the water turns cold
We climax together
over and over
slowly making our way to the bed
we fall asleep naked tangled in each others arms!
(Ps I'm annoyed and idk if it was anger or what but this is what I did instead of arguing) xoxo
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Re: Simpliy musing
Anonymous
29th Sep 2012 4:38am
niiice, I too would much rather do that then argue ;)
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re: Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 4:43am
Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 5:16am
Hey babe, this is so clever, like how it was a continuation. Simply Musing part 2. Great job. It's very sexy, and I'm sure whoever your writing about is very entertained and sexually frustrated right now. Good job. xoxo
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re: Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 5:27am
Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 6:21am
I love authors notes. lol. it just gives light of the situation and dials in. this is so fucking beautiful and so much better than arguing . I salute you girl. now i need a towel.
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re: Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 6:36am
Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 8:24am
re: Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 8:26am
Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 2:56pm
re: Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 9:14pm
Re: Simpliy musing
29th Sep 2012 10:36pm
Nice babe!!!! Wow..."Like a lion claiming his prey he lifts me" Great write...
0
:]
30th Sep 2012 5:54pm
Gigi
Straight to business.:]
"He crawled to me kissed me deeply
after he made love to me with his tongue
Just his beautiful hands and mouth
['to' is not the right choice. should be replaced with towards.
second line works well. ]
Cuddling me now my body still sings to feel him inside me
Kissing his chest I feel him stir
Hard for me
Ready
Grabbing his hands I lead him to the shower
The warm water spraying on us he smiles
Kisses my neck inhales my scent
I'm taking control
Soaping his body up
Paying special attention to his cock
Tracing soft kisses over his chest
I look up at him and whisper
I think about you too you know
I wonder if you're ok if you're sad
[Interesting. Towards the end. And the whole setting makes me smile. Always a winner. Soap and water.]
Like a lion claiming his prey he lifts me
Back against the cold wall holding my hands up above my head
Thrusting inside me hard quick
Loosing ourselves in each other as the water turns cold
[Lion-prey is a bit corny. But works well in this context, almost indicating a shift in powerplay. I will suggest move 'quick' to another line, giving it life.
'Loosing' should be 'losing' ]
We climaxed together over and over
Then fell asleep naked in each others arms!"
[Should be 'climax'. 'Fell' should be 'Fall'. I will personally restructure this, something like this:
'we climax together
over and over
then we fall asleep
naked
in each other's arms'
I feel it should breathe on its own. Each moment should be alive.:]
And, i always say no to 'Caps' at the beginning of every sentence. Jars the flow. The exclamation mark in the end is not necessary IMO.
Having said all that, I had fun. You have done well with this exercise Gigi.
Write on,
Sumeet
Straight to business.:]
"He crawled to me kissed me deeply
after he made love to me with his tongue
Just his beautiful hands and mouth
['to' is not the right choice. should be replaced with towards.
second line works well. ]
Cuddling me now my body still sings to feel him inside me
Kissing his chest I feel him stir
Hard for me
Ready
Grabbing his hands I lead him to the shower
The warm water spraying on us he smiles
Kisses my neck inhales my scent
I'm taking control
Soaping his body up
Paying special attention to his cock
Tracing soft kisses over his chest
I look up at him and whisper
I think about you too you know
I wonder if you're ok if you're sad
[Interesting. Towards the end. And the whole setting makes me smile. Always a winner. Soap and water.]
Like a lion claiming his prey he lifts me
Back against the cold wall holding my hands up above my head
Thrusting inside me hard quick
Loosing ourselves in each other as the water turns cold
[Lion-prey is a bit corny. But works well in this context, almost indicating a shift in powerplay. I will suggest move 'quick' to another line, giving it life.
'Loosing' should be 'losing' ]
We climaxed together over and over
Then fell asleep naked in each others arms!"
[Should be 'climax'. 'Fell' should be 'Fall'. I will personally restructure this, something like this:
'we climax together
over and over
then we fall asleep
naked
in each other's arms'
I feel it should breathe on its own. Each moment should be alive.:]
And, i always say no to 'Caps' at the beginning of every sentence. Jars the flow. The exclamation mark in the end is not necessary IMO.
Having said all that, I had fun. You have done well with this exercise Gigi.
Write on,
Sumeet
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Re: Simpliy musing
Anonymous
30th Sep 2012 8:07pm
(Ps I'm annoyed and idk if it was anger or what but this is what I did instead of arguing) xoxo
It's best not to ruin the moment as silence speaks volumes. Nice write, GiGixoxo
It's best not to ruin the moment as silence speaks volumes. Nice write, GiGixoxo
0
re: Re: Simpliy musing
30th Sep 2012 8:41pm
Re: Simpliy musing
1st Oct 2012 6:48am
The last lines make me wonder where they fell asleep - if they were still in the shower they'd surely be found dead of hypothermia or drowned!
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re: Re: Simpliy musing
1st Oct 2012 12:23pm
Yes they would! Maybe open your mind up to the possibility that maybe they fucked everywhere. Maybe the went outside and fell asleep on the hood of my car. I'll add a boring after they pruned up they went into bed and passed out just for people that can't read between the lines. Thanks for the comment xoxox
re: re: Re: Simpliy musing
1st Oct 2012 9:23pm
The egg is on my red face! The answer is in the poem. If I had read the last lines properly (this was early morning pre-work when I commented) I would have seen they had fallen asleep in BED!
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re: re: re: Re: Simpliy musing
1st Oct 2012 9:32pm
Re: Simpliy musing
1st Oct 2012 9:09pm
This is the Gg I know and love......."making love against cold, wet walls" I like the flow of this one. Very reflective, very sexy
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re: Re: Simpliy musing
1st Oct 2012 9:12pm