deepundergroundpoetry.com
back hand insignia
I’m always waiting for the back hand
that leaves my face indented with the insignia
of your roughened hands
calloused from fights and lighter fluid accidents
drenched in the scent of stale whiskey
we’re a drunken tug-of-war
unbalanced and chaotic
where I’m a sucker punch waiting to happen
and you’re a victim all over again
we’re lovers and fights
flirts with loaded guns aimed at each other’s heads
waiting for a deviance to pull the trigger
that’ll leave one or both of us bleeding
I fell in love with the pain of you
and turned you into the weapon of my self-destruction
even in these peaceful hours I’m still waiting
for the burn of your back hand insignia
the masochist in me desperate to invoke your rage
so we can go one more round
and leave more scars to remember
we were here
© 2012
that leaves my face indented with the insignia
of your roughened hands
calloused from fights and lighter fluid accidents
drenched in the scent of stale whiskey
we’re a drunken tug-of-war
unbalanced and chaotic
where I’m a sucker punch waiting to happen
and you’re a victim all over again
we’re lovers and fights
flirts with loaded guns aimed at each other’s heads
waiting for a deviance to pull the trigger
that’ll leave one or both of us bleeding
I fell in love with the pain of you
and turned you into the weapon of my self-destruction
even in these peaceful hours I’m still waiting
for the burn of your back hand insignia
the masochist in me desperate to invoke your rage
so we can go one more round
and leave more scars to remember
we were here
© 2012
Published 25th Sep 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Sep 2012 2:05am
That ol happy go lucky...clearly making light. Good imagery, the tension of the next hit well established. Watch the "h"in peaceful hours. And for the making light thing, its tough in writes likes this because of the impulse towards sympathy, but the narrator has present a romance of sorts to an abusive situation. To me that is an interesting dichotomy
25th Sep 2012 2:12am
Thank you lightbaron for picking up that typo :) and for your kind feedback.
I'm not a fan of sympathy from readers, as though the victim is peeking through.
I'm so happy my writing is interesting to you.
-Eve-
I'm not a fan of sympathy from readers, as though the victim is peeking through.
I'm so happy my writing is interesting to you.
-Eve-
25th Sep 2012 12:28pm
Eve.
I liked this. the one thing that i didn't like was in the first stanza.
"I’m always waiting for the back hand
that leaves my face indented with the insignia
of your roughened hands"
It's the hand and hands,I just felt you could have used a different word on the first line. maybe 'slap would work.
all in , it's very a real account of what must be occurring all over the place.
nice one Eve. shine on
I liked this. the one thing that i didn't like was in the first stanza.
"I’m always waiting for the back hand
that leaves my face indented with the insignia
of your roughened hands"
It's the hand and hands,I just felt you could have used a different word on the first line. maybe 'slap would work.
all in , it's very a real account of what must be occurring all over the place.
nice one Eve. shine on
25th Sep 2012 10:22pm
Thank you so so much Craic Dealer. :) I guess I can see how hand/hands would clash. I don't like slap. Hmm, I will have to think about this one.
So happy you liked this :D
-Eve-
So happy you liked this :D
-Eve-
1st Oct 2012 6:30am
Fantastic.
I love "we’re a drunken tug-of-war
unbalanced and chaotic
where I’m a sucker punch waiting to happen
and you’re a victim all over again"
I do agree with Eamon, that back hand should be substituted. I think that line 17 should be the only mention of it, it keeps it a lot stronger to me. I would suggest using 'strike' in line 1 instead. I think strike sounds good with the word insignia following after.
I love "we’re a drunken tug-of-war
unbalanced and chaotic
where I’m a sucker punch waiting to happen
and you’re a victim all over again"
I do agree with Eamon, that back hand should be substituted. I think that line 17 should be the only mention of it, it keeps it a lot stronger to me. I would suggest using 'strike' in line 1 instead. I think strike sounds good with the word insignia following after.
5th Oct 2012 00:01am
Thank you so so much Carla. :D I'll think about the back hand/strike. Though two against one isn't looking good for my back hand.
So happy you like this. :)
- Eve -
So happy you like this. :)
- Eve -
