journey

surrounded now
by ghosts of my past
i wonder how long
i’ll be able to last
on my impulsive run
down memory’s lane
before i become
that person again
the scared little girl
with the messed up life
the one left behind
to became your wife
i did so much wrong
made so many mistakes
suffered such pain
felt so much heartache
yet parts of me
were left far behind
parts i miss now
but how do i find
the parts that i lost
the parts that were me
the parts that i buried
in favor of “we”
now a dozen years later
i struggle to know
which way to turn
which direction to go
i desperately love us
can’t live without you
how can i balance that
with this sense of renewal
with the poet in me
the artist i smothered
when you and I became we
when we became lovers
although it felt wrong
i knew it was right
to give myself all to you
to extinguish my light
now a match has been lit
i’m burning within
i need all that back
i need it again
i’m feel lost in my effort
to find who i am
but you love me and tell me
you know that i can
holding my hands
as i cry, rave, and rant
you patiently listen
and willing grant
the room that i need
to explore all of this
find out which parts
i truly do miss
we talk about pieces
that i feel i’ve lost
and which do i need
while we measure the cost
yet how selfish is this
how selfish am i
and who’ll pay the toll
if the price is too high
but it all means nothing
it’s totally futile
unless we speak truth
and our honesty’s brutal
about what we have
about what we lack
about what we need
we cannot hold back
we must do that
or we’ll never survive
and again i’ll be lost
alone with my life
this quest will be useless
and all that I’ve pondered
will mean nothing to me
if our love is squandered
if i’m mining for silver
while ignoring the gold
so precious to me
your hand that i hold