deepundergroundpoetry.com
Deal
yes please
i'll trade anything for your attention
give me doubt
i'll give you justifications
suggest lifestyle changes
i'll become anyone you want
demand any damn thing
until i eventually anticipate your every need
throw the odd smile
and if i stupidly say no
just call it playing games
bemoan that i'm not spontaneous
not free
like you
yes sir, i can be manipulated
cajoled
pressured
in fact it just plain makes me horny
and gratefully so
so yes please
i'm for sale
going cheap
no need to throw me away when you're finished
'cos by that time
i'll have done it already
i'll trade anything for your attention
give me doubt
i'll give you justifications
suggest lifestyle changes
i'll become anyone you want
demand any damn thing
until i eventually anticipate your every need
throw the odd smile
and if i stupidly say no
just call it playing games
bemoan that i'm not spontaneous
not free
like you
yes sir, i can be manipulated
cajoled
pressured
in fact it just plain makes me horny
and gratefully so
so yes please
i'm for sale
going cheap
no need to throw me away when you're finished
'cos by that time
i'll have done it already
Published 19th Sep 2012
| Edited 23rd Sep 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 14
reads 934
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Sep 2012 4:21am
Kaatho.
Intense sardonic sarcastic.
There's the lower case I's going on, I guess it fits the content in it's depth.
It starts off with a punch and goes into an all out beating. The voice is very strong and almost scary :)
more power to you I say.
shine on.
Intense sardonic sarcastic.
There's the lower case I's going on, I guess it fits the content in it's depth.
It starts off with a punch and goes into an all out beating. The voice is very strong and almost scary :)
more power to you I say.
shine on.
19th Sep 2012 4:24am
Haheee! Turns out, exploring bitterness is almost enjoyable. Pleased you like this piece, cheers CraicDealer
19th Sep 2012 4:46am
19th Sep 2012 4:55am
Hey Gigi, thank you for letting me know you'd read this dry old piece. Glad you liked it ;-)
19th Sep 2012 6:40am
how a relief n release by bitterness let off in high tones of sarcasm, as craic said it off!
n all when it comes out to blow punches on faces whom we silently abide by cos of situations, but needs to be severly criticised, may be by our gritful actions n, least to say, the way of beautiful words here!
simple n effective n loved this.
~uma.
n all when it comes out to blow punches on faces whom we silently abide by cos of situations, but needs to be severly criticised, may be by our gritful actions n, least to say, the way of beautiful words here!
simple n effective n loved this.
~uma.
19th Sep 2012 2:33pm
Hi Uma 'Gritful action' ... I love that phrase! Thank you for your comments :-)
20th Sep 2012 1:05am
22nd Sep 2012 1:33am
21st Sep 2012 5:15pm
22nd Sep 2012 1:43am
28th Sep 2012 7:26pm
kaatho
good to be reading you again.
this is different from the usual
fare one would expect from you.
the threadbare minimalism. almost
absence of punctuation and lowercase
gives it almost a sinister, deserted
feel. that works just fine.
S3 was quite the winner. the addition
of 'yes sir' worked well.
the last stanza was the coup de grace.
i dont have much else to offer on
this one.
love the visceral in-the-gut session
you have shared with us. keep 'em
coming.
power to you.
sumeet
good to be reading you again.
this is different from the usual
fare one would expect from you.
the threadbare minimalism. almost
absence of punctuation and lowercase
gives it almost a sinister, deserted
feel. that works just fine.
S3 was quite the winner. the addition
of 'yes sir' worked well.
the last stanza was the coup de grace.
i dont have much else to offer on
this one.
love the visceral in-the-gut session
you have shared with us. keep 'em
coming.
power to you.
sumeet
30th Sep 2012 4:27am
Hello Sumeet
Glad you liked this one, and thank you for your encouragement. Especially that you take the time to set out what it is you responded to; helps in future writing, thank you
K
Glad you liked this one, and thank you for your encouragement. Especially that you take the time to set out what it is you responded to; helps in future writing, thank you
K
5th Feb 2013 4:53pm
You have nailed this portrait of sad souls I have known with self esteem issues who ignore their wants and desires in order to assure that their significant other is taken care of. Terrific ending as well in this well written piece. Good job!
5th Feb 2013 10:20pm
Tony, hello. And thank you for checking out this piece; glad you found something in it :-)
