Ashes (part one)

I waited
Sitting on the bench outside
Finding one a respectful distance away
My walking stick between my knees
god my hands hurt with arthritis
I'm she would have joked about my ailments
I said I wanted to go first


No don't
Dam it you promised
keep it inside.


Always cold here
I know what she was talking about now
wet and cold
The cortege arrived
Coming to a slow stop
She tried to make light of her final voyage
Saying I should help carry her into church
Giving a speech
no one would understand
Wouldn't even know who I was
No it was best I said, if I stay away and remember you in my own way
Staying away was too hard
She would have understood
She would have guessed I'd be here
The coffin was being carried inside
Must be strong
Can't breakdown now
I recognized some of the mourners
though I could have walked past them unnoticed with ease
Another mourner to pay their respects
As long as I kept quite
My accent would have raised a stir, though short lived I'm sure
No, I'm happy here
It's not my family
We had our chances
She didn't want to be here
Not like this


No, Don't go there
That's so unfair
Keep It inside


The doors are opening again
I bet it was a nice service
My memory comes and goes
I forgot what songs she had chosen
pall bearers hmm can't say I'd want that job
Paid to carry coffins and look mournful
I wish I were a younger man without arthritis


No, I said no!
Keep it inside


Best I sit here for awhile longer
Its what old people do
especially in graveyards
Their they go, two by two
I'll stay here a bit
let them say their goodbyes
most will want to hurry up back inside for the wake I'm sure
especially here of all places