Still Trying

Am I the past?
Is my love for you meant to even last?
I can write a million words on the topic of you
But are the feelings I describe even Real or True?
My heart is longing to be with you, but can this just be explained away as a simple crush
Is that why talking, just being with you brings such an addicting rush?
Who am I when I'm not in love?
How long has it been since I have been out of love?
I'm like a dog who keeps returning again and again to be hit by it's master when it has done nothing wrong
I've been trying so hard to figure out who I am
But people keep drawing me back into love again
There's so many different hims
I only want one
Because more then one is simply more confusing then Fun
I want to find a love that lasts
Longer then the love's I've experienced in the past
I want to figure out who I am
Before I let myself fall in love again
I want to be your friend
Be the girl you all see
But I have figure that out for me
Because even though I believe you
I have to figure it out for me on my own it's true
So please don't say you love me
when I'm still trying to love myself