Infidelity With Insanity - Spontaneous Human Combustion

Natural Causes: Spontaneous Human Combustion

Does it ever occur in your mind, that our lives are intertwined?
And that our fates and destinies are carried in the wallets of the people we’ve met, dreamed of, and have even walked passed?
That we ignore at first glance the true possibilities of the capabilities of each entity, cause we’re too blinded by coincidence and ironies
But everything has already been drawn into a masterpiece
Everything is as it is supposed to be
But we’ve carved decadence in our memory, and by insentience has allowed that to mirror our actions.
Refusing to succumb to the realizations, that our
Dreams are the liquor to sleep. Since, drunken tongues speak sober minds, dreams make you conscious of your conscience. And nightmares only show you the demons of your temptations, the monsters you try to hide from.
And so, whatever the decorum of our subconscious is, we eventually manifest.
I’ve thrown up anguish, sweated worry, cried mercy, ached fear.
Because I took too many doses, of what I could not handle.
I’ve forgotten how to be right within myself, cause I’ve metamorphosed into the fives loaves of bread and two pieces of fish Jesus used to serve his followers on the mount..
But if you aren’t biblically familiarized, simply put… I’ve just divided myself so much to appease everyone.
But I’ve only ever wished my emotions were locked up and imprisoned because they’re serial killers.
Molesting my memory, and brutally murdering my conscious .
And the DNA left at the crime scene, is insecurities.
Cause I’ve insecurely submitted myself to the life, I had the chance to live, and ignorantly acted upon.
I’ve been crucified by those who have awaited my arrival, but never believed in who I claimed I was.
Fulfilled every prophecy a prophet, could have ever spoken.
And because I’ve realized the jargons of disbelievers
I aborted my many missions to ever submit to the fulfillment of my calling.
And I wonder why, after I parted seas, why I haven’t got far.
But, that’s because murders aren’t promised the promise land.
And though, I’ve been screaming to my inner self “let me go”
I’ve murdered all my inhibitions to truthfully set myself free
Cause I’m still allowing what I can’t control to possess me.
HDTV.
And the only channel, that’s free with subscription is pain.
And each night, I’m tuned in.
Reviewing a scripted cast, and calling it reality.
But, during late nights,
I pay for my indulgence.
I’m too perverted within this realm, to dismiss the pleasure of fornication.
And I have ridden every piece of the stiffness of instability.
Finding pleasure, and climaxing off of my vulnerability
Wishing, I had someone to divulge in the complexity of my desires
Of my thrusting to release the tension shut up in my bones..
And If you have yet to feel me…
As blatant as can be… misery loves company.
I wish someone was here to share it with me.
And every time my spine trickles from the whispering of my memories
Uncontrollable seizure like shudders
Have me dripping, from a flowing crevice of emotions
That’s sometimes to bitter to taste.
So, I allow it to all erupt in my psyche, instead of your oral cavity
Because I don’t want your tongue to be held responsible for the captivity of my most inner deep feelings
In fear, that you may speak my melodies and symphonies for the world to be taunted by the wrong notes…
Cause there’s nothing delicate, about me.
And I’m tired of role playing,
Tired of dressing up in smiles
Just so that you can be turned on…
What about my needs?
But, the blame must fall on me.
I only keep returning to you,
Because, I’ve allowed my sentiments to be cannibals
Eating at my recollections
And whatever can’t be digested
I have a remedy for
For every ounce of Volatility observations of you have caused
I’ve grown into seeds of hate
So, that they can blossom
And I use, every accolade you stabbed into my heart
As the dutch.
Crushed, and beautifully rolled
Every promise you ever spoke, is the lighter.
I get high off the fumes which escape from my anger
Of all the pain you buried in me.
And it’s like crack, I’m addicted
Always searching for the first high
And until, I receive it
The monkey standing on my back
Makes me feel like the minutes I’m suspended in, have poured into hours, and continuously go uncounted because I’m constantly forever locked in
Foolishly, searching and attempting to consider ways to reconstruct my past
Because, every brain cells has exploded, and diminished the intelligence to know
That no matter the advancement of technology, we still have no way to revert back to the past and change the hands of time, to fit our understanding of life.
And every time I daydream, the quickie I have with insanity only pulls out the lungs from my memory.
And replace it witch C4’s.
One day, the trigger to the bomb will be my strength to let go of what haunts me the most.
That within seconds, the detonation will explode my memories  
And they’ll combust
And my suffering will simply be no more.