OCTOBER TEARS

I have been dreading the day when I would see you cry…
I have listened to you cry now everyday for all of my life, and for everyday I cry too.
I cry as my tears are falling from my eyes; but not one time did you tell me that all would to be left unspoken, not one time did you ever warn me that my heart would ever be broken; not one time have you swore to me a lie, not one time.
But I have found it to be that nothing is ever brought up at the right moment because that perfect moment came to a halt the minute you picked up that bottle of liquid courage.
Your courageous mouth, so loud and detestable like a sailor, and the insults that slip from your tongue are as sharp as the rocks ashore; the same rock that busted a hole in the bottom of my ship of sanity and it continues to sink…
It has been sinking since the day that I wiped the first tear that ran down your face; and through all of your lies you have brought me to that same point I am at today… pointless.
Pointless; because it turns out that there was never going to be a point made when there wasn’t a reason to begin with, and until the day that I die, I may just never know what that point really was.
Ten years, twenty years, gee how your life is passing you by, faster and faster the pages to the calendar are flipping before your very eyes.
Be sure to remind me tomorrow that you told me you loved me today, because as soon as you pull out that bottle of liquid courage those feelings are sure to only slip away.
Slipping into endless bickering and restless pondering on intentions that I already know will never come to pass.
And you babble on and you babble on and on and on…
I don’t think that I can hear you anymore as my knees hit that living room floor; you think that you have knocked me out but I say that you’re only cold, colder then the month of October, colder than has ever been discovered before.
And as my heart has fallen to my knees, you are losing me. But that’s what happens to be the same side that starts it all which goes back to what it had been to begin with, because where you are, that’s where you start and here you are today…
And since the first time that I ever saw your face, I have never really had you because you have been gone for so long now;
I guess I just can’t miss something that I never did have no how.    
As I hang my head, I can feel that I start to cry. I care so much but it was all a lie even when I mean what I say, but there is something that is not allowing this to go away.
October tears, October tears, you have heard me as I have cried throughout the years; the sky is blue as are my eyes, you’ve seen my efforts, you know ive tried.
But how can I possibly try any harder when nobody gives a damn? I would reach out for guidance but they slap away my hand.
My heart beat still as my blood settle cold; as the pages on the calendar are flipping I am getting old.
The rain falls down from the late October sky, it is hard to tell my tears from where I have already been purified, I am purified right now for tomorrow is not certain, but the moment is mine