Battle Within Myself

Have you ever sat up at night
and let ypou barrier down
brick by brick
ive sat in silence and cried...
plenty of times
ive let it defeat me
made me think im worthless
i let the burden of my thoughts get to me
like safety pins and razors
i regret it
now ive got the scars
they remind me
of how scarlet red trickled down my skin
i regret the pleasure it gave me
how i felt it needed to happen
i regret that i let my family and friends
down, discover, drown in pain
all because
i let the anxiety and wretchedness reach me
i let it control me
the pain, the pleasure
it gave me peace
it makes me cringe
the thoughts i think
overtake me sometimes
sometimes
i like to go back
to the feelings
to the way it was cold against my skin
sometimes
i think im good enough to stop
but something reminds me
im not
just sometimes id like to end it al
only sometimes