between the walls of memory and stone

Sounds quite sinister, a haunting of kinds. The Rosary brings to mind my Spanish nan, I can always remember one in her hands, she was a strong psychic and excellent tarot card reader too.

I enjoyed this, a great piece Indie. :)

Thank you Madgalena for your lovely feedback :) I was hoping it would come across just as you've described. I'm glad it works.

I love rosaries, I have a Buddhist rosary that I wear sometimes, and I love tarot cards, though I haven't picked up mine in a while. Superstition and spirituality fascinate me.

Thanks again for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed the read.

That sounds like an intersting Rosary, I've not seen a Buddhist one. My nan was a devout Christian, where as I follow no religion. I have "The Mythic Tarot" it was handed down to me,I play around with divination at times, but I'm more a here and now person and like to dabble in the occult and the mind itself. :)

I also read tarot, though my decks are little dusty at the moment.

The Buddhist rosary has 108 beads on it. It's for mantra meditation. It's helped me avoid a few panic attacks. I find rosaries of any kind really comforting. Not sure why.

Indie.

I am sure there is a name for this kind of poem, for the purpose of sounding knowledgeable I'll call it a flash poem :) because it gives a flash of a story with an obvious back story (I'm guessing she killed him while he was attempting to kill her) and an implication at the end that the story is far from over.

I like the structure you have going on, it's (in the words of the Heslopian) clear and concise.

nothing I can give by way of constructive critique so I'll just stroke your ...

ego :D


good stuff Indie, Shine like an arc light

I see you're keeping it clean E, 'cause you wouldn't want to try and stroke anything other than my ego :P
 
Anyways, thank you for your lovely comment. I like the term flash poem. This poem is a bit like a photography, you can make a judgment call on what is going on before and after but you can't quite be sure. Wanted to leave lots to the imagination here, even with myself.  
 
Peace, Indie

Just two nitpicks: not sure about the word 'whisperingly' it could work better before 'crawled', and the concept of 'terrified vision' got me stuck. I know what you mean but it's hard for me to imagine vision being terrified. Maybe 'eyes' or something. That's just me, you should ignore it. :)

This is quite thought provoking, even after a couple of reads. It emits a great dark, sinister atmosphere to get drawn in to. I like the holy place being a false security at the end and although I'm against ellipses it actually works suggesting more than where it ended.

I won't mention the use of capitals without full stops because I've said enough. :P

Thanks for your comments Mr A, I clicked the randomise button the punctuation and grammar. :)

I get what you mean about vision, though it doesn't personally bother me enough to change it. Gaze might work better, but I used vision as in "out of the corner of her vision" which could also be eyes, but I don't feel that it works as a word there in the way that I want it to. In my head vision is a smoother way of expressing what I want to say.

I also like whisperingly and crawled lol, that's one of my favourite coinages in this piece.

I'm glad this emits a dark and sinister tone. I'm not always the best judge of my own dark works. So I am happy to hear it works.

Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. Much appreciated.

Peace, Indie

i love how 'dust-encrusted' sounds and the strict structure of this.

i never really used to care for poems as haunting/dark as this, but i definitely have a soft spot for yours. so yeah, i did really like this and my only constructive input would be that 'in this holiest of places she was safe' sounded a little awkward. i think(?) that it is grammatically correct and i understood what you were saying, but it's more of a nitpick than anything. :]

Thank you aglitch for your lovely feedback. I'm honoured that you like this poem.

I see what you mean about that line, it could use a comma after "places". I don't know if that helps having a pause in there, but it works in my head that way.

Thanks again for stopping by. Much appreciated.

Peace, Indie  

Indie this is a sinister haunting poem that sticks with you long after the reading..I love it..the rosary beads offer a spiritual aspect to me almost as if she were keeping off a demon..wonderful peace Crim

Thank you Crim for your lovely feedback :) You got this poem perfectly, I wanted there to be that sinister superstitious (slightly demonic) edge coupled with the comforting aspect of the rosary. So glad you enjoyed.

Peace, Indie

Draws me in, places me at the scene, and delivers

thanks

thank you very much Ambiotic for your lovely feedback :) Glad you enjoyed.