deepundergroundpoetry.com
Biggest Mistake
Yes I feel so Empty.
When your not here by my side.
I'm so lonely and cold.
So tired.
I can't even open my eyes.
I thought that our love was supposed to last forever.
I thought our bond and friendship would never break.
You mark me dead in your eyes now.
That is your biggest mistake.
Now I feel so numb inside.
I can't express the pain.
There will be no more love to share.
No more love in the rain.
There will be no more love.
No more love to hide the pain.
No more love to hide the pain.
Published 16th Jul 2012
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
16th Jul 2012 8:19pm
First of all-Welcome to DUP-I hope that you enjoy your time here and get lots of inspiration from the writers here. I enjoyed the poem and think it's good but would only add that if you restructured the grammar a little-it would fit the punctuation marks you have used a little more.
For example, if you place a full stop (period) at the end of each line-then each line should be able to stand alone..
That is of course just my opinion-nice job, Peace, Miki
For example, if you place a full stop (period) at the end of each line-then each line should be able to stand alone..
That is of course just my opinion-nice job, Peace, Miki
17th Jul 2012 10:55am
Thank you very much for your honesty. I will try to use that advice in my next poem. Again thanks for the help.
Anonymous
25th Aug 2012 5:58am
Stay strong, dear friend. Felt the emotions you feel. Beautifully written and deep. You can get through it and will. xoxo
