Dear John?

Dear John, or is it Shawn?

With all your lies
(especially about size)
it's hard to see through your disguise

Sorry about the car, (not)
I left quite a scar
it even shines from afar, (oops)

By the way,
when your status read
"it's complicated"
I thought you said constipated
so I put five laxatives in your coffee.
Don't be frustrated

Did I forget to mention?
I dropped your toothbrush in the porcelain invention.
I hope this doesn't cause us tension

I did you a favor
you can thank me later
I told your boss how much you hate her.
Maybe now she'll change her behavior

I know I said size doesn't matter, (lie)
I was only trying to flatter
the ego for your tally whacker

Did you know you had a wife
three kids and another life? (me either)
Not trying to cause you any strife

(I called her)
She suspected I existed
you'll have to be more gifted
if you want to stay this twisted.

for the 'LEAVE A LETTER' competition