deepundergroundpoetry.com
underneath the lies
closing my eys
Pealing back each tight layer of skin
i start to feel the crystal underneath
covered in red and decorated in sins
i wash it clean
with the waterfall thats taken hold of my eyes
so fragile
so fake
such honesty makes me smile
i start to hum
and sway my hips
to the steady rythm
not caring who sees
im free
no longer binded
by the reflection infront of me
i can rejoice
but fear over rides
what will i do once the music stops
and i open my eyes.
Pealing back each tight layer of skin
i start to feel the crystal underneath
covered in red and decorated in sins
i wash it clean
with the waterfall thats taken hold of my eyes
so fragile
so fake
such honesty makes me smile
i start to hum
and sway my hips
to the steady rythm
not caring who sees
im free
no longer binded
by the reflection infront of me
i can rejoice
but fear over rides
what will i do once the music stops
and i open my eyes.
Published 9th Jul 2012
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
What caught my attention was,
"and sway my hips
to the steady rhythm."
You used that same
line in
Dancing with a Stranger.
-YTF
"and sway my hips
to the steady rhythm."
You used that same
line in
Dancing with a Stranger.
-YTF
12th Jul 2012 2:46am
16th Nov 2012 6:16am
I like the idea behind this poem.
a few formatting things to clean up -
second line is only one with capital, I don't think it needs it. spelling: peeling
rhythm is spelled like this
after "reflection", "in front" should be 2 words, not one
overrides is one word, not 2
I don't usually go into details like that - just when a good poem needs to be presented a lil bit better. Take up my suggestions if you wish.
Welcome to DUP.. (you've been here longer than me! lol)
a few formatting things to clean up -
second line is only one with capital, I don't think it needs it. spelling: peeling
rhythm is spelled like this
after "reflection", "in front" should be 2 words, not one
overrides is one word, not 2
I don't usually go into details like that - just when a good poem needs to be presented a lil bit better. Take up my suggestions if you wish.
Welcome to DUP.. (you've been here longer than me! lol)
25th Nov 2012 6:16am
thank you that helped sometimes i type to quick and dont bother checking format nor grammar...
