madness

i'd like your comments to my questions/raves

-how does one know when there lid is flipped
-is it the day you here voices of your mind sights smells that you know aren't real
-the day i walk to the kitchen to see terrible visions of my own emanation rolling down the mountain in the ice box being crushed to death burning your hands to little bits on the stove
-i believe it to be not
-but the day blood was drank from my vanes and i felt something dark grow, power, near godly i felt
-when i was hurt and i liked the pain i craved it
- maybe the anger to take someone in the bathroom and feel there soul leave there body by my hand watch them squirm by suffocation
-possibly
-the day i cut myself by my hand
-the years i burned cut poked strangle mutilated myself for pleasure
-the day i didn't know if what i saw was real or fake
-i fear what am becoming
-but worse to come as always
-i have been clean for near a mouth
-but i'm not much better
-the darkness the lust to mutilate receded a bit but the pressure remains
-i have lost things in great pain after my cleansing
-hunger temperature tired i can not feel
-pain joy sadness horny anger are dull vary dull now
-live i have in my head
-tied to the past
-friends i have not
-i have pleaded for help
-none
-am i mad
-my only friend is dead before my life long dead and she is the only one i talk to
-i fear sometimes if its all fake but its all i have
-if i'm mad...
-at least i'm not in as much pain