Untitled

Longing for a kiss would be a great title, or a kiss for my death. I like the passion that this poem has. I too have desired the same from another. Kudos on your great feeling and passion.

lightbaron

Ah, sweet longing. My friend.
Loved the second stanza. What you do best.
I always dig minimalism like this.

Write on,

Sumeet

Cool little poem man. A couple of suggestions... take em or leave em. I think if you use "raptured" as a verb it should be "raptured by." 9th line can be the same sentence and drop the capital letter.

I like the
"be my end
to all this anticipation"
but I might change the next line to either
"or it will kill me"
or
"before it kills me" because the word "for" just jumps out at me as more archaic in tone than the rest, though you do seem to be going for that tone of elevated passion, so if you need that to work that way, then I say keep it.

In general though the idea, the tone, and most of the execution are good.

Thanks sumeet,atropa,steve. Steve I do agree w your notes, was going for specific line structure,but im not that rigid so could easily change. Atropa thanks for title suggestions, think I went untitled to convince myself its metaphor

whoa... that itself is something powerful:

"think I went untitled to convince myself its metaphor"

incredibly simple, and still the tossing storm is evident. passionate, romantic... well expressed, LB. [:

Wow, this poem moved me to tears. So beautifully written.

Peace, Indie.

Thank ya kindly jesta..indie thats incredibly flattering, glad it resonated w you

I loved this part "Never
have I
wanted so badly
to live no longer
unless raptured in your kiss" nice, very nice.

Gypsy red