I’ll meet you there

   
   
my tears burn    
your mangled    
thumb as you    
gently cup    
my cheeck this    
last time    
   
last  
time    
   
our foreheads pressed,    
eyes closed    
whispering    
I’m sorry  
like a mantra from    
both mouths    
   
my hands are fists    
in your shirt  
deformed to the    
taste of holding on    
to something    
we let die    
a few times back    
   
and I’m sorry    
this time    
   
because I want to    
fold in your arms    
like a wrinkled shirt    
on a hanger    
and bleed away    
this fucking nightmare    
so I wake up    
tomorrow where    
you    
   
and    
I    
are    
   
we    
   
I want to dance    
until the end of love    
with you,    
like the    
Leonard Cohen song  
and wake up in that    
otherlife where you    
fucking say it back    
   
but I’ll say it  
for both of us  
in this life.  
   
I love you    
goddamn us    
I love you  
I love you beyond    
any coherant    
thought or righeous fury  
   
and I hate the way    
I feel about    
you in this last few    
weeks of hospice    
   
and how I have to pull our life support    
   
because you made me die    
for your sins    
over  
and over    
and over  
   
I love you…  
   
and I love you beyond    
this stupid fucking    
life and walls and worlds    
you were the fucking sun on the ocean    
and the way I felt about you    
was the shit they make    
legends of    
   
and I’m ready    
I think    
to taste the skin of your    
mouth a final time  
so I can live    
until the next life    
when    
you’ll    
want me  
   
enough    
   
Jesus this is hard  
   
When you’ll want me enough  
the first time we meet    
to throw all your fucking    
bullshit in a woodchipper  
and make love to me    
in a field where fairies live    
or some such falderal.    
   
something as romantic  
as those days  
we lived in winter    
   
Fuck. I want to die.  
   
This time it’s me    
It’s really me.    
It’s not you.  
   
And just like that Eminem song,    
life is no Nintendo game  

we don’t get a next time    
this time  
   
God I don’t want to do this  
   
Maybe not a next time now,  
   
but in the next life    
I’ll burn for you    
the way I burn now    
   
I’ll hunger for you,    
with the shrunken    
stomach starvation    
pangs I get    
standing just outside    
of your arms    
   
and when we lock eyes    
across the room    
there won’t be a need for a key    
   
oh…god… this is hard  
   
baby,    
I’m sorry  
   
I want to be in your arms    
when the lights go out in this place  
there’s nowhere I’d rather be    
   
I still want you  
   
I want to stand on a cliff    
as the asteroid hits    
and it all comes crashing    
down as we fuck    
a final hallelujah    
   
I want to feel your teeth    
break skin as you    
peel my clothes off    
with my back arched    
over your arm as    
an offering    
   
and I want to find the cure    
to desire on an injection    
of your lust    
   
but I can’t    
and I’m sorry    
   
I’m so sorry  
   
it’s not fair of me    
to refuse your hand    
when you’ve asked me    
to stay these last nights    
on our earth    
   
and ask you to hold me    
   
but none of this has been fair    
   
to anyone    
   
but…    
   
motherfuck… but…  
   
Will you, though?    
   
Will you hold me once more?    
   
Wrap me in your big    
arms and make me feel    
lost and found at the same time  
   
and brace my shaking shoulders    
with your wounded hand  
   
I miss it all, beyond words    
   
baby    
and tell me one more lie    
that I’ll promise to believe  
against all your well-meant truths  
   
as you trace goodbye    
on my shoulders  
   
tell me it’ll be ok    
tell me it’ll be ok  
   
ok?    
   
and when you walk away  
don’t look back    
at this life  
   
just know    
fucking know    
   
oh… god…  
   
know    
   
I’ll be there waiting    
in the next