personalities and predators

 
lingering in the shadows is who I really am
but that shifts so much I am uncertain
I'll be going to counseling soon
I'm worried I will give a variable of personalities
That hint at me but don't touch

it hurts too much to be touched
my soul doesn't like it
people reaching for you
only to manhandle you
roll their eyes or sigh

I'm not much for talking
my dream of heaven is solitude
where I can dream and create
and only have guests that are invited

flowers and a cottage
no need for a mansion in the clouds
my spirit isn't so grand

the slow coming and going of a being I know
who has always protected me
when people were shit

sacred trust why do things have to be so brutal?

my heart cries out, my gentleness scarred
my loneliness aches but few have passed
my internal barriers and locks

you can enter my waiting room for the mad
and if this place doesn't make you back up
you'll get lost in my maze with trapdoors
meant to catch predators
then question them

what do you want with me?

my soul sees beauty in everything
that's a protective mechanism
my sensors are going off

time to take vulnerability home