I know I'm doing this wrong, but I can't stop

You look at me like I'm heartbreak
like you're waiting for me to move that
extra inch and break your ribcage open
on my way out the door

And I won't lie
sometimes I think of running
in the same way I always think of running
because there isn't a love that
has flooded my veins
that I haven't wanted to escape
and there isn't a love I've run from
that I could bleed out of my soul

Love haunts me more than hate
more than anger
more than fear

If it's possible to die from a feeling
I would die from love
that desperate aching connectedness
that breaks me open every moment
of every second of every day

That's why I run
into anything and anyone
that isn't you
it's easier to close the door
than face you
when all I do is ache

I've never told you
how much I hate myself
for turning down the volume
for drowning you out
for directing my attention elsewhere
like it can stop the way my heart
beats for you

Some days I think
we're too far gone to survive this
and others I think maybe we find a way
through the fortress walls
we continue to build around ourselves

I'm not gonna lie
I gave up first

And now all you do
is look at me like I'm heartbreak
slow motion destruction
and you're bracing for the shatter
that doesn't come
though we're always flirting
with the edge of disaster
ribs already cracked
and waiting