stabilize

my emotions are unreal
you never see me cry with a cigarette in hand
i always have a cigarette in hand.
controlled desire
controlled pain.

it is an agony that hits me like
nicotine rush.
pure.vibrant.cleansing.

many things meet my eye
from within me like catharsis
i am afraid of many things

the strong face i master is an ugly disguise
and afraid of many things

it is an agony that pulls me -
wakes me from the false visage
of life people dream about.

my dreams are the only reminders
that i am still human enough

but my emotions are unreal.