Misunderstood

I don't know how to communicate how I feel to you.
How the depression crushes my entire body,
to the point where I do not even have to energy to get up.
All I do is lay there staring into space,
as the heaviness of my depression crushes me.
Yet there you are beside me, trying
dear God you try so hard to understand what is happening to me.
So you ask me if I am ok,
and I answer honestly and tell you no.
Those are the only words I can bring myself to say.
Though I wish I could say more, tell you
exactly what is happening to me in that moment.
I can not find the energy to tell you though,
so you think you have done something wrong.
You ask me if you had really messed up that bad,
and more than anything I want to sit up and hold you.
I want to tell you that what is happening
to me this very moment has nothing to do with you.
Tell you that if anything you have kept days like this at bay.
You are like my very own shield,
keeping the depression away as best as you can.
Even though all these words form in my head,
for some reason I can not make them pass my lips.
So I lay here staring into space,
wanting more than anything for you to hold me.
To feel your arms around my body,
my shield holding the depression at bay so I can breath.
As much as I want it it never happens.
Instead of putting your arms around me you walk away,
leaving me alone in this room while my depression strangles me.
I watch you leave, watch as my only salvation turns his back to me.
Everything inside of me is telling me to call out to you,
knowing that if I do you will come back to me
and maybe hold me and send the depression running.
Once again though the depression wins and I say nothing.
Instead I lay there watching as you leave,
feeling the cold emptiness consume me as my last hope leaves me.
So you are gone and I lay there alone, an empty shell.
All because I could not explain to you what was happening to me,
because I was MISUNDERSTOOD.